Big ears, small ears, horns, no horns, small eyes, baby face, goatee, white, black, brown, skinny, short tail, long tail, hairy, patient, hyper.

This animal has been known to give milk and say “baaaa,” just like other animals in the Bovidae family, such as cattle and sheep.

Capra hircus are domestic goats which are raised and bred as farm animals. Oreamnos americanus are mountain goats living in steep, rocky areas in American Northwest.

This animal with a somewhat human appearance has been everywhere in the recent years.

Companies such as Sprint, AT&T, Geico and DirecTV have been adding goats to their commercials. Those commercials and commercials from other companies, including the controversial one from Mountain Dew produced by Tyler the Creator have used countless breeds in each of their commercials.

Countless breeds? The Smithsonian Institution reported about 200 breeds of domestic goat. On top of that, goats have 60 chromosomes, more chromosomes than humans have.

No wonder there are so many different appearances of goats. I’m not going to lie. Sometimes, I can’t tell whether a goat is a goat. Or a sheep. Or a ram.

One day, I was looking through my old pictures. Yonkers Riverfest 2010. Click. 72 pictures came up. I don’t remember ever seeing live animals in all the years I have gone to Yonkers Riverfest. I found chicks, bunny rabbits, a llama, sheep and most importantly, goats.

I saw this goat at the Yonkers Riverfest that year. It looks like a cow, but smaller. I never seen a goat like this in my life. It would have been nice if the farmers who were in charge let people pet the goats.

So far, the goats I have seen in real life haven’t screamed. I also love goats that scream like humans. That is why my favorite goat commercial is the one from Geico.

One of the employees was a scapegoat at this peanut butter factory. It was confronted by the manager after the manager realized all the chaos that was happening with the machines. The goat named Rick screamed at the manager. Later, Rick screamed at him again the moment he walked away from the manager. It was so hilarious because another employee, Kelly was the one who snitched on Rick and wanted to fight him too. Rick messed up the machines because he wanted that damn peanut butter. He looked hilarious in that hair net though.

Then, there is the Thera-Gesic commercial that came out years ago. This sixty-second commercial has goats in their normal habitat. They run around freely on a farm and say “baaaa.”

The really awkward thing about this commercial is that this woman offers goat tears to drink after she forces the goats into sadness. Putting on a mask and trying to scare the goats doesn’t make goats cry. I don’t think people cry when they get scared, unless they’re a toddler still undergoing brain development.

This is defeating the purpose of pain relief cream. Why do you want people to use pain relief cream if you’re forcing pain on them?

I have never seen a goat cry. Goats barely cry, just like dogs and other animals barely cry. I barely saw tears coming down on them. Humans cry even more and that goat’s tears on the Thera-Gesic commercial seemed so real. That goat knew his mama’s death was real.

As I am researching my love of screaming goats, I came across another goat commercial. I don’t remember ever seeing this one on TV though.

Discover Card had the normal routine of someone talking to their clone, customer service representative. There are some people who hate surprises unlike myself. The point here is that they don’t want to be surprised by anyone including their pet goat. They don’t want to be surprised on their own birthday either.

This goat threw its owner a birthday party in their apartment. The goat can’t literally say, “surprise,” but screamed like a human. It sounded like it was a huge fan of its owner instead of trying to say, “surprise.” That goat must be very human because I would assume that he decorated the place with balloons, streamers and a “Happy Birthday!” banner. That goat got more attention than the birthday boy, especially if that goat is standing on top of a round coffee table about the size of the goat itself.

Whether goats live either on a farm or in a city, eat either grass or human food, scream or say “baaaa,” they have human characteristics that I never realized they had. They have feelings, come in different appearances and are aware of their surroundings just as humans do. They are so aware of their surroundings that they scream like humans. I love watching goats on TV for the silly actions they make. I have learned to like goats, even if it’s for no reason.