There are days when the world gets heavy, and even with 7 billion people in the world. I still get lonely.
I just feel like there is no one who relates to me and no one who understands me. With that in mind, I can’t connect to others like I want too. I want a connection so deep that when I see them, I see me. I grew up like a black sheep. I do not relate to anyone in my family and that concerns me sometimes. I was born into this family, but I at times feel like I was adopted.
When it gets dark that’s when the loneliness takes over – all the smiles fade away and the mask is gone. I get to sit with myself and honestly, my true self is sad. My true self is looking for someone she can relate too. My true self is not connected to this world so the materialistic desires that you would use to satisfy yourself do not work with her. She wants deep conversations. She wants to heal others and deposit wisdom in everyone’s soul.
She wants to be set free.
The world is filled with too much evil and wickedness for my true self. I think that’s why she feels so alone. She’s connected to the world and nature. She glides with the wind and sores with the tide, but she has been polluted and weighed down.
Maybe she just wasn’t meant for this world? Is she even from this world?
I sink into sorrow very easily and my sensitivity is something that not many people can handle. I understand, but I just think there are certain points you shouldn’t do or say to people. Your words are your responsibility and your biggest weapon: why draw your sword on someone unexpectedly? Why cut a person down until their nothing? My approach is different. I rather use my words to uplift and motivate. I rather calm your storms with my words and bestow wisdom unto you. This is probably why I feel so alone because I’m watering the whole village but no one watering me but me.
I always wonder where did I come from? I don’t mean my physical body but my spiritual body. How did God cultivate my soul heart and mind. What was his intention? As many times as my heart has been broken, it just expends with more love to give the next person. God created us to have a sound mind. My mind is far from sound, but if you look past the traumas, push away the hurt and the pain, you’ll find good intentions. I try to make everything fair and treat others the way I would want to be treated.
I am not perfect, but I am trying to be the person I needed when I was growing up. Someone who has good intentions. So that when people meet me, and they are tired of meeting horrible people, I can be there to give them some faith in the world again.
I sometimes find myself wondering if they are still good people in the world or are the bad ones easier to be seen. They draw attention to themselves, so we notice them more and we lose our faith, but we need to have faith that there is people who are still kind hearted and genuine out there. During quarantine, we see so many people coming together and making it easier for us to all process this very dark time. I’ve seen teachers try to help their students by being super helping.
I do know that its okay to feel lonely. Most of the times when I feel lonely, I sit with that feeling and figure out what its trying to tell me. Sometimes it could be that I’m spending too much time by myself and not interacting with enough people. Then I make the effort to reach out to others and after I feel much better.
I’ve learned you have to wait until the world gives you the right people in your life. If you try to fill the void of loneliness with the wrong people, you’ll still feel alone. I do have friends and that make me feel less like the black sheep and more like I’m a part of the herd.
My advice to anyone who feels alone is your not. The right people just hasn’t entered your life yet. Also sometimes you need to sit with yourself and be your own best friend so that when someone comes around and tries to be your friend if their not the right person, you will leave the relationship faster and won’t stay stuck.
It’s OK if you feel like your from a different planet and that everyone around you is different – maybe your meant to be the light of the world and do something extraordinary that you couldn’t do if you were just like everyone else. Honestly, just be your true authentic self and people will love you for who you are, and if your rare, be rare. Never dull yourself down to fit in. You might just be the diamond in the rough or the rose that grew from concrete and that is beautiful.