First and for most, I would like to say that I am happy to be back and I am also very, very annoyed at the same time. I know that is no way to start anything off but everything in this school has just gotten me more irritated over time. From the people, the staff, the construction, the heat and the stress from classes, I know my senior year has begun. Not only has it taken me so long to get here, but so many things has happened in the past 12 months that I do not know where to start.
A year ago I would had never thought that I would be where I am today, with the people I have in my life now. An exact year ago from today I was in a sticky situation with a roommate that I needed to get rid of. I was in an unhealthy relationship with someone, but most importantly with myself. I was unhappy about so many things. And I needed change. And I am not good when it comes to change. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate change! The changes around campus freak me out. The new Victory Hall café makes me anxious. And new faces around the dorms make me very uncomfortable. I am not one for change at all!
But I needed a lot of change in my life so I went on an awakening to get this change. I stopped speaking to a lot of people, and I moved away from unnecessary drama. I decided it was time to make myself happy.
One of the only ways that I can make myself happy is by letting go, as cliché as that sounds, and I always think of that obnoxious “Let it go. Let it go” song, but it is the truth. Letting go is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and I am still going through the aftermath. Although I am letting go of useless people and stress, the hardest part was letting go of the time and effort spent with those people.
Letting go is like dealing with a hangover after a day of drinking. You enjoy yourself while you drink (at least I do) and you become a very free and happy person just like you were when you were with what you thought were good people. You laugh, have a good time and have nothing to worry about until something goes wrong. That is the hangover. When something goes wrong and you have to let go of all the memories with those people. It’s not a happy feeling when you have a hangover, and you are not happy when you have to let go, but it’s a process that needs to be done so you can meet better people and learn from your mistakes. Letting go and being hung over are just two parts of life that complete the cycle. There is no way of avoiding bad people and if you are naïve and kind then you will probably, if you haven’t already, have to go through this process.
Tips? Do not compare your past to your present or your future! The bad boyfriend in your past does not mean that the boyfriend you have now will be the same. The crazy roommate from two years ago shouldn’t make you afraid of ever getting a roommate again. The terrible English professor from freshman year shouldn’t stop you from taking other English courses. Just because you had one or two bad experiences or bad people in your life does not mean you should look at life with pessimism. Learn to let go of it all and just grow from your experiences each and every day. For the people who know me, they know that I am really bad at letting go and changing but each and every day more of my past erases and more of my future unfolds.