As you guys know, last semester I wrote a column of my relationship with my dad. When he reached out to me recently I thought things were going to get better for us. This wasn’t the case though. Although he reaches out to me it isn’t what one would think.
When I was younger I was so in love with my father. To me, he could do no wrong. In my eyes he was absolutely perfect. As I got older I realized that things weren’t always what they seemed. My dad started acting different towards me once he and my mother separated. It wasn’t my fault that things didn’t work out between them.
Now that I’m older and he is sick, he tries to reach out more. Although I do feel bad that he is sick, what can I possibly do for him? What bothers me the most about it is the fact that he only speaks to me because he is sick. My dad has lupus. He has known for quite some time and so have I. Although he reaches out more than he used to the fact does remain the same that he wasn’t there when I needed a father figure.
My godfather stepped up to fill in that void. We do everything that fathers and daughters do. He takes me on father/daughter outings. We go shopping together. He even speaks to me about boys. He calls me every week to ask me if there is anything I need. The crazy part about it is my dad doesn’t even do that. Most of the time he calls me to talk about his day and his issues. He doesn’t call me to ask me how I’m doing or to check to see about me. He’ll even call me to tell me about my little brother. Never does he call to check on me.
My father or the man that helped create me as I call him recently asked me the million dollar question. This man had the nerve to ask me “When is graduation?” What killed me was the fact that he knows absolutely nothing about me. He doesn’t know my favorite food or color. He didn’t even know my major until a few weeks ago. He doesn’t even know my schedule. To be honest I don’t even want him there. I feel like he shouldn’t be able to share my success with me. If I decided to let him come it would be so he can see that I made it without him. I honestly don’t think he wants to come to be a part of my success. I think he just wants to come so that he can feel better about himself. I feel like he only wants to be there so he can take pictures and show off.
He likes to walk around like he has done his job as a father. He likes to tell people about me like he has made an effort to be there. Honestly he is 21 years too late in trying to be a father. I feel like I’m too old now for him to be trying to be a father now.
I feel like those who were there for me since day one should be the only ones to partake in that wonderful day. He feels as though he has a right to be there but I honestly do not feel the same way. I honestly feel that I should be the one to make that decision because that is my special day. I also feel that if he does come he will somehow make things about him instead of about me. I feel that he just wants to come so that he can have bragging right. What I mean by that is I feel he just wants to come so that he can tell people I graduated and show pictures so people will congratulate him.
Although graduation day is going to be my special day I know that it will also be my mother’s day. If anyone deserves to see me walk across that stage it will definitely be her. My mother has been my biggest supporter and without her I wouldn’t have been able to go to school. I really thank her because she has been there since day one and hasn’t let me down. My mom has made me into the person I am today. With that being said graduation day won’t only be my day but it will be hers too.