From a young age, little girls are told that a happily ever after can only happen after prince charming rescues you from distress. It tells us that the only way we find happiness is when your prince charming comes knocking at your door. A man who brings happiness, security and that happily ever after.
In our society being in a relationship is considered being ideal. Posting your relationship all over twitter, Instagram or Snapchat is idealized as being “#goals.”
When you think of a women with no children or who never married. The first thing you may think of is that she’s probably an unhappy woman with cats. This woman is instantly labelled as the cat lady. If you are not married then you obviously are unhappy and alone.
Some college students dreaded going home for this thanksgiving because they know what type of questions await them at the door. Every aunt, cousin, family friends constantly nag you about your relationship status.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
And God forbid if you don’t have one. The follow up question is,
“Why not? Aren’t there any nice guys there at school?
If you don’t have one and don’t have a good excuse for not having one then it’s a travesty. You can feel the wave of judgment cascading from their eyes. It is as if having a boyfriend in college is mandatory.
Why are we so pressured to find a significant other? It baffles me because half of those aunties, or cousins who asked you those personal questions are either in an unhealthy marriage, divorced or single. It is very hypocritical of them to judge me. Especially when finding their prince charming went so well.
It is discouraging when I see that majority of my family’s past relationships have ended up in messy divorces or baby daddy problems.
Our society is changing. So shouldn’t our expectation for hopelessly yearning for prince charming to come and rescue us change too? Not having a boyfriend is not the end of the world.
As women we are more pressured to have a significant other more than men are pressured. The pressure to settle down, get married, have children, and then live the rest of your life as a mother and a wife. Ever asked yourself why?
In the past when women did not have equal rights it made sense for them to marry young and have a family. I completely understand how we linked a happy life with the presence of having a husband. Back then the man, brought home the bacon, gave us the children, and bought us the house with the white picket fence. But now we as women can do all of those things ourselves. We can buy our own home. We can go out and have our children on our own. We can make our own money and do whatever we want with it.
I guess what I am trying to say is that now that we have developed into that “strong independent woman.” We do not need a man to gain our happiness. We should just want someone who loves you and no more. With love everything else falls right into place.
In our society when you get into a relationship you become one with that person. You share everything, a house, a kid, the finances, hobbies, family, food…etc. EVERYTHING. It sounds cute but some people fail to realize that the two of you were individuals at first. Individual people who have different preferences in music. Who have a different perspectives in life. Who have different views in an argument. Instead of molding two different people into one maybe we should embrace our differences.
As people we are influenced by many things throughout our lives. Because of that we have the possibility of changing too. Sadly this is the because of many divorces and or breakups when one person in the relationship doesn’t want to conform inside of the mold anymore. Or it could be that one person grows and the other one is quite content with the way things are that they don’t see the point in growing.
Just because we are adults and we have stopped physically growing does not mean we have stopped mentally, emotionally, spiritually growing.
If you truly love yourself and the person who you are in a relationship with then it shouldn’t matter. You should love them without judgement and with understanding.
So what if we don’t have a boyfriend right now. As long as we love ourselves first then it really shouldn’t matter. If we love ourselves then when we do find someone who genuinely loves us for who we are then it should be easy. Who says I have to get married, settle down and have children. Why can’t I travel? I want to explore with no strings attached. As a society we need to really ask ourselves why we want to settle down so quickly? Why do we want to have children so badly? Enjoy your life first, then worry about making one.
We need to stop pretending that that is the only path filled with rainbows and sparkles. I am going to find my own happily ever after on my own, with the love I have for myself.