Some describe freshman year of college as the “best time of your life,” but for me, it was more like a struggle to stay afloat. My first year at Stony Brook University felt like an emotional rollercoaster, mostly because I was homesick, overwhelmed, and, frankly, drowning in a sea of incomplete assignments.

I thought I had it all figured out when I left home to attend college. I imagined myself finding a group of friends, joining exciting campus club events, and completing assignments like it was nothing. Instead, it was the complete opposite. I found myself locked in my dorm room, avoiding assignments and wishing I could return to the comfort of my family’s home. I would go home every weekend just to be in the comfort of my own home. 

Everyone else seemed to have their lives together, or so I thought. They’d already formed tight-knit groups of friends, had their everyday routines, and appeared to enjoy the college experience to the fullest. Meanwhile, I felt like an outsider. I’d try to push through and attend social events like cultural concerts and parties, but it always felt like I was late to the show; everyone else had their cliques, and I felt like I was left on the sidelines. It was tough to shake the feeling that I wasn’t measuring up, which deepened my sense of isolation.

In the end, I couldn’t keep up. I never finished assignments and let my grades let slip. It was clear that staying in this environment wasn’t healthy for me, so I decided to move back home and continue my studies there. Over the next few years, I transferred between nearby colleges to find a better fit and get my grades back on track.

Looking back now, there are a few pieces of advice that I wish I could have given my freshman-year self and what I would tell any incoming college student today.

1. Be Realistic About Your College Choice!

College is often sold as this magical experience where you move far away from home and live your best life, but the reality is that it’s not a one-size-fits-all journey. When choosing where to go, be realistic about your needs and preferences. Don’t just stick to the stats and reputation of the school. Think: do you thrive in a big, hustling environment, or do you prefer a smaller, more intimate campus? Are you okay with being far from home, or would staying closer to your family to give you the support that you need? I didn’t ask myself those questions before heading to Stony Brook, and I felt entirely out of place. If I had taken the time to reflect on what would make me feel most comfortable, I might have made a different decision.

2. Homesickness Is Real, And It’s Okay To Feel It

There’s no shame in missing home. For some people, adjusting to college life is quick and easy, but for others, it’s a slower, more gradual process. After COVID, I didn’t know what life was like without my family by my side. It’s okay to feel homesick. For me, being far from family and friends made everything feel harder. I didn’t realize just how much I depended on my family for emotional support. If I had been more honest about needing to go home more often, I might have felt more grounded. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s “not a big deal,” if it feels like a big deal to you, that’s valid.

3. Its OK To Not Have It All Figured Out

One of the most important things I wish I had told myself is that it’s okay to not have your life planned out by the end of your freshman year. So much pressure is put on students to figure out their career paths and majors right away, but it’s normal to change your mind, take detours, and figure things out along the way.

4. Take A Step Back

I thought I was supposed to thrive immediately in that big environment, but sometimes, stepping back to refocus is better. For me, it took moving back home, which was the right decision. It gave me time to breathe, focus on my studies, and rebuild my confidence. College isn’t a race, and taking your time to figure out what works for you is the right thing to do. It’s not about how quickly you adjust or how many friends you make in the first semester; it’s about finding a path that suits you.

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I’d say to anyone about to start their freshman year: Be kind to yourself. College isn’t always the fairy tale you imagined, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be valuable. You’ll make mistakes, learn lessons, and in time, find your place. Take it one day at a time, and don’t rush the process.