I am a 5’10 bombshell blonde who lives on the Upper East Side with a trust fund to fall back on that has more money than the number of boys in love with me. 

Despite the many boys in love with me, I only wanted one. I gave up everything and worked incredibly hard to get into Harvard Law School where this boy went just to be with him. Only to realize he’s gross. 

I am a sweet blonde, popular but sometimes an airhead, who displays my enormous wealth to the public through my incredible fashion taste. However, I try to be humble by helping everyone around me.

I gave up all the wealth and left my fiancé at the altar of our wedding to pursue independence. I worked as a waitress and gained a friend group that would last a lifetime. 

I am myself in characters. 

Serena Van Der Woodsen from the show Gossip Girl. Elle Woods from the movie Legally Blonde. Cher Horowitz from the movie Clueless. Rachel Green from the show Friends. 

I base my life around fictional characters like these as described above. I don’t exactly know why I do it. It just seems to happen naturally.

***

I remember when I first started watching the show Shameless. It was during the summertime two years ago when I wasn’t in the greatest place. 

The show depicts the life of the Gallagher family. A poor, dysfunctional family struggling to survive day-to-day life. I am fortunate enough to not live the way that they do in the show. However, I still fell in love somehow with the life of Fiona Gallagher.

Fiona was the oldest child. She took care of the entire family, something her drunken parents seemed to lack in responsibility. She worked hard for everything, fought for everyone, and lived so independently. 

Despite all the obstacles in her life, she walked down the downtown Chicago streets with pride. Her wavy hair flowed as she strutted, whether it be in heels and a short party dress or jeans and a t-shirt with her purse crossing over her body. I wanted to strut the same way. As carelessly and free as ever. 

I spent my summer trying to embody this energy of Fiona’s and accomplished it to an extent. Although I wasn’t as extreme as she was. Or lived even a similar life. 

However, when summer came to a close and I finished watching the show, it was time to move on to my next character.

***

The fall was the perfect time to watch a show like Gilmore Girls. An innocent story about a mother and daughter who are each other’s best friends and live in a small town in Connecticut where everybody knows their name and story. Watching the show can make anyone feel at home.

People would tell me that they saw me as Rory Gilmore, the daughter. A smart, respectful young girl who worked hard for what she wanted and ended up getting it while following her morals.

I would describe myself as that. Yet I didn’t exactly embody myself in Rory’s character when watching the show. I was drawn in more by the other character Lorelai Gilmore, her mother.

Lorelai was everything I ever wanted to be. She was fun, always joking around and messing with people in a sweet way. Yet, when it came down to being serious, she was an independent girl boss who worked so hard she didn’t sleep. She didn’t care at all what people thought. When she became pregnant with Rory as a teen, she didn’t accept any help. She ran off on her own, baby in arm, and worked her way up to having her own business in the future and sending her daughter off to Yale University. 

I would say I am like her in some respects. Not as a teen mother but still. She still had something about her. A sort of charm that invited you in. A charm that made you intrigued to go up to her and find out more. I think this sort of magnetism is something I’ve always subconsciously yearned for in myself. 

***

Although I tend to base some of my actions and attitudes around the fictional characters I am obsessed with at a particular moment in time, I don’t see it as a bad thing. 

I see these characters almost as a person would see a role model in their own life. The only difference is with fictional characters, their world is glamorized. It’s not exactly real. But it’s not exactly entirely too far off from nonfiction. 

Writers and artists create characters most of the time based on real people. People that existed in their own lives. 

Right now, as I rewatch Gossip Girl for the 4th time, I find myself basing myself on the character Blair Waldorf. A rich Upper East Side socialite who was based on a real-life New York socialite of the early 2000s. You could say then that this new role model of mine is fictional or nonfictional in a sense. 

As I try to embody in my everyday life now Blair’s independence and strive to become a powerful woman, despite the scheming and manipulation she may take, I keep in the back of my mind my own character.

I am a character myself. I am a 5’5 blonde independent respectful girl who has a creative imagination, is open minded in learning, and loves to write.