At some point, you may feel like you and a friend no longer connect, whether you find that you have less in common or that lately you are being treated differently, or that you are giving so many explanations for your friend not to get mad at you. 

Like a romantic relationship, you may know it’s not working, but when it comes time to break up with them, it’s easier said than done. However, sometimes, there are signs that it is time to leave a friend.

“I had a friend in my life that remained more than a decade, a friend with whom I shared a genuine affection… …There was a connection between the two of us; we became family by choice.” – Break Ups With My Best Friend- Part 1.

So yeah, my friend, my best friend. I had a huge argument with her, but we were able to solve it and move on.

Now, we were very close. She was the one that I would always talk with about everything, and when I say “everything,” it is literally “EVERYTHING.” We got each other. We were like Batman and Robin, Sherlock Holmes and Watson, Shrek and the donkey. And we were a great duo, the perfect duo; we knew how to have fun, there was always something to talk about, and we trusted each other. However, there is still a “but.”

In August 2016, my family and I moved to the US. I knew my life was going to be different, but I was excited, mainly because I was with my family. I was in a relationship for five years. We decided we were going to work that out to be together, even though we knew the distance would be hard. My best friend stayed in Spain, and she was in a relationship as well. 

A year after moving to the US, the two of us had the same painful experience at the same time: our boyfriends broke up with us. 

When this happened, the two of us were very dependent on each other. We called each other every day, and sometimes we ended up crying. We were both heartbroken. Some days she felt better and encouraged me, other days it was me. My ex-boyfriend had blocked me from everything, therefore I could not talk to him, see him and not even know about him. On the other hand, my best friend kept talking to her ex from time to time, which made her get excited and think there was hope. I think that was even worse because the guy already had another girlfriend.

To be honest, I was very depressed for about six months. The first few months I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I cried all the time, and my family noticed. They helped me feel better and get back to normal. 

And this is when I think our emotional roller coaster changed. The fact that I could not see or know anything about my ex-partner somehow helped me and made me heal little by little. But my best friend was going back and forth with her ex, which never allowed her to move on.

I started to focus on my studies, I started doing volunteer work, and I made new friends. During that time, I also began to know myself more, value myself, and regain confidence in myself. My happiness line was going up while my friend’s line kept going up and down.

We never stopped calling each other, in fact, this time, it was always me who encouraged her, I would tell her how much she is worth and that she should forget about that worthless piece of crap.

A few more months passed, and I began to have something with a guy (Antonio, now my fiance). That’s when I started having problems with my best friend. She used to get mad at me, telling me I wasn’t paying that much attention to her anymore. This is partially true because my mind was already on new things. Keep in mind we were in different countries, so the time difference had a big influence. And over time, she would constantly repeat that I was not there when she needed me. That made me feel like crap, I hated feeling like I was a bad friend. Sometimes she was upset, and I had to insist for her to talk to me. Sometimes I didn’t know why she was upset. I was always trying to defend myself for her not to be mad. Sometimes I even lied because I felt that if I told her I was on a date and having a good time, she would get upset again. She was never satisfied. I always had to be present when she was sad, and if for some reason “I wasn’t there for her,” then I would have to fix it. 

My best friend started a new but very toxic relationship. Even when they weren’t a couple, I advised her not to be with him because there were many red flags. What happened? He cheated on her. Multiple times. 

I answered many crying calls. We talked for hours. I tried and tried for her to end that horrible relationship, but she wouldn’t. I sent her videos, speeches, or even blogs to make her realize she was better than that. Many times I felt like I was talking to a wall because she would go back with him. 

Last year, on my birthday, I was celebrating with my family and my fiance. My friend texted me, wishing me a happy birthday, but I didn’t answer her. I wasn’t paying much attention to my phone at that moment. Some hours later, when we finished eating and celebrating, I was ready to answer all my texts.

Suddenly, I read this long message from my friend, telling me she was upset that I didn’t answer her and that I didn’t appreciate the short video she made for me. I didn’t know what video she was talking about, and I later realized that I couldn’t see any video on her social media because she blocked me from seeing her stories. I didn’t know for how long I was blocked, but I didn’t care. I actually find it dumb that she didn’t realize to unblock me in order for me to see her birthday video. 

I got mad, and I told her I was tired of her attacks. That I was tired of hearing how bad of a friend I was and that maybe she needed to find a new one. I told her that she demands absolute loyalty but that there is something off with her: Blocking me, and hiding things. Getting mad multiple times for no reason, and being passive-aggressive when things weren’t the way she wanted… I didn’t understand it.

We started arguing.

The last thing she texted me was: “I don’t think it’s worth talking anymore.” I didn’t answer her.

Since that day, since my birthday last year, we haven’t talked. I am not sure if that’s a way to end a friendship. Maybe it is? Sometimes I miss her and I feel bad because I do care about her, and I want the best for her. She was my best friend, and for ten years we lived through so much. She deserves to be happy, but she needs to learn to love herself too. I also realized that I was kind of relieved when I told her how I was feeling. It was a burden taken off of me.

So here it is, my break up with my best friend, it wasn’t easy, but maybe necessary.