I was thinking about this the other day and I wanted to ask you something.

When did empowerment start feeling so heavy?

I keep seeing this tone online where strength looks like being completely shut off from men. Like the colder you are, the more “healed” you must be. And I get where it comes from, I really do. A lot of women have been through things that change how you see people. Being lied to, disrespected, manipulated, all of that stays with you if you do not deal with it properly. I can be the first to testify to that. 

But I do not think that pain is supposed to become who you are.

Sometimes it feels like saying “I hate men” is just expected now. People laugh, agree, repost it. And if you even question it, it turns into a whole thing. Like you are doing something wrong for not feeling that way. That part always stands out to me because if something is actually helping you heal, it would not feel so defensive.

And if we are being real, a lot of people do not actually want to be that closed off. They still want love. They still want something genuine, something safe, something consistent. That does not just disappear. It just gets buried under everything else.

I am not saying ignore what happened to you. I am saying there has to be a difference between protecting yourself and becoming closed off completely.

Because when everything starts coming from a place of anger, it changes how you see people. You are not really meeting individuals anymore, you are meeting your expectations of them. And at that point it is hard for anything real to even happen because you have already decided what it is going to be.

And that is where it gets confusing. Wanting something real but moving like it is already off the table. Saying you want connection but approaching everything like it is going to hurt you anyway. At some point those two things start working against each other.

That kind of mindset feels protective at first, but I do not think it actually protects you. I think it just keeps you distant. Not just from men, but from anything that requires you to be open.

And I know openness can feel unsafe after certain experiences. I am not ignoring that. I just think there is a way to have boundaries without losing yourself in the process. There is a way to be aware without assuming the worst every single time.

I also think we do not talk enough about looking inward. Not in a blaming way, just in an honest way. Growth is not one sided. You cannot only point outward and expect things to change.

You can admit that you were hurt without letting that hurt decide how you move forever. You can protect yourself without becoming someone you do not even recognize.

Because at the end of the day, most people are not trying to be alone. They are trying to feel safe enough not to be.

I just feel like discernment makes more sense than defaulting to hate. You can pay attention to patterns without assuming everyone is the same. You can take your time with people without shutting the door completely.

To me, real empowerment is quieter than what we are seeing right now.

It is not about proving how much you do not need anyone. It is about knowing yourself well enough that you do not have to abandon what you actually want just to feel protected.

I do not think healing is supposed to make you hard. I think it is supposed to make you clear.