Tuesday, November 30th

4:28 p.m. I looked it up. The sun set today at 4:28 p.m. That is a little depressing to me, to be completely honest. It even snowed earlier today. I woke up this morning, and when I looked outside, the tiniest bit of snow formed a thin white layer on the streets.

The thing is, it is not even December yet. Winter has yet to come. That means the days will only get shorter and shorter. That also means that it is the perfect time for winter depression.

SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as winter depression, is a real thing, and the abbreviation says it all. It is an actual type of depression. Someone with SAD experiences mood changes that are similar to depression, and it usually occurs during the fall and winter months when there is less sunlight.

Feeling sad, being in a depressed mood, oversleeping, feeling tired, and being less interested in doing activities one once enjoyed, are all moderate symptoms of SAD. I was never officially diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder, but I believe I ‘suffer’ from SAD to a certain extent.

I am not saying that I hate the Fall and Winter, I just like the Spring and Summer a lot more. Do not get me wrong; I love how New York looks during the Fall, and I love the snow and celebrating the holidays during this time; however, the dark creates the perfect setting for watching a good movie or reading a book once all snuggled up in bed.

But then I think of how I spend my summer days at home, wake up and eat breakfast in our backyard in the sun, go for a walk with my dog at the park, ride my bike to my friends’ place to sit and talk all day long until the sun sets at 10:30 at night. It is just the best.

Now the volleyball season is over for our team, all I want to do is sleep in, listen to John Mayer’s Sob Rock album throughout the day, and watch Harry Potter at night. All I want to do is do nothing. I have no motivation at all to do any of my homework, and I think I have come to a point where I am really stressing over things but then at the same time, I do not really care.

It is such a bad state of mind, I know. And I keep telling myself, it is only another four weeks. It is not that hard to just suck it up for a month and finish the semester strong. But then again, I am having a lot of trouble with that.

Even writing this took a long time. It took hours to come up with a topic and write about it. I basically do not do my homework until the clock hits 7 p.m., that is what keeps happening. And then, at the end of the day, I get mad at myself, because who wants to spend their days doing nothing?

I am not the kind of person that likes to stay in bed all day long. It is not me, and I know it. It is frustrating because here I am, going to college in a whole other country. I should be enjoying this, and I should be having the time of my life, and yet, sometimes I feel like I am not.

December 22nd is the day I go home for winter break. I will get to spend time with my family and friends again; that is basically all I want at the moment. Even the fact that I am back home during the winter months, does not matter. Dressing up nicely for Christmas, sipping champagne during New Year, and eating cake for my bothers birthday two days later, feels like the best time of the year, and it seems like it is the perfect solution for my SAD symptoms to go away.

Those are the moments the SAD symptoms disappear for a while; No school, no volleyball, no stress. Just having a good time with the people I love most.

As for right now, it is almost midnight, and I am trying to finish up this column. The movie Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is almost over. Tomorrow is just going to be another day but let’s try to make it a productive day. For once.