Since we started pre-k at 4 or 5 years old, all we have known is waking up and going to school. It quickly became our main routine.

I went to a trade school for high school. I really wanted to study cosmetology but there was no space in the program so in order for me to stay, I had to take on architecture. The two were total opposites but I had to do what I had to do so I sucked it up and agreed.

I was miserable. Not only was I studying a trade for 4 years where math was so important, my weakest suit, I had a architecture teacher who made me feel so stupid along the way because of her own unrealistic expectations.

This left me feeling so lost when it came to my junior year and college preparation came around. I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do, where I would even want to study, or what I was even quote ‘good’ at because I was constantly being told I shouldn’t have been in that trade and even heard my teacher telling my friends at the time to not trust my help because I had no clue what I was doing and I would only set them back. While everyone was writing their college essays and sending in applications, I was taking quizzes to see what major best fits me still trying to figure it all out and being ridiculed by someone I considered a friend at the time for being in the spot that I was in.

Eventually after being the last person to submit my applications and figure something out, I found myself in college studying Communication Studies, now Communication Arts.

I finally felt as if I found myself after struggling to for so long. I thrived in the creative and digital media world which lead me to my passion for photography and social media content creation. I then stumbled into some journalism courses and I felt my spark for writing come back almost instantly, so I declared my minor in it to continue diving into that as well.

Now here I am in my last semester getting ready to graduate and that feeling of uncertainty is creeping back up on me more than ever. Only it feels one hundred times more intimidating this time around.

It’s not that I am not ready to graduate. I know I am and kind of don’t have a choice not to. The uncertainty comes in with life after graduation. I have been applying to jobs since last summer, and I am constantly getting rejected or no response at all. The job market is so competitive that I am constantly asking myself, what if I never get a job, and what if I’m not as qualified as I think I am? Then, there is the financial aspect. The student loans are creeping up on me. How am I going to afford to pay them off if I can’t even secure a full-time job?

As someone who discovered her passions later in life, the hardest part for me is the idea of accepting my first real job. There are so many career paths I’d love to pursue. Social Media Manager, Sports Photographer, or Writer, it feels impossible and honestly scary to settle on one when there are so many possibilities. Maybe it’s my commitment issues showing, but this has been a real struggle for me.

The thoughts have been spiraling in my head nonstop since the start of the semester. Now I know everyone says there is no rush when it comes to these things but for me, it feels like I have to get this all figured out by the time I graduate in May or I will be screwed and I can’t help but feel like I am running out of time.

The idea of not waking up and getting ready to go to class anymore feels unreal. Whenever I am on break from classes or just have a free day, I never know what to do with myself and feel like I’m going to go insane not having something to work on, I can’t imagine what it will be like once I graduate.

But with the uncertainty, comes the feeling of success.

After putting in all of this hard work, I can’t help but feel a thrill knowing I will be putting all of my skills to use and doing what I love going forward. The eagerness to find out what opportunity comes next and what connections I will make in the future. All of these little aspects make the uncertainty feel somewhat less scary and more exciting to look forward to.