Grief is a tricky thing. I first experienced it in the eighth grade with the passing of my grandfather. I was young, I had no real understanding of what losing a family member could do to someone. I was confused as I saw the vulnerable side of my parents, especially my mother. Seeing her sad, confused, mad and exhausted made me feel all of those emotions as well on top dealing with the fact I’ll never have Carvel ice cream with Pa again.
One thing I enjoyed was seeing my cousins and practically having a three-day sleepover with them. It took my mind off the thought of never talking to Pa again. It was refreshing to hear their “drama” or whatever they thought of his passing. It made me understand that I wasn’t the only one in pain.
This was my first experience with grief, it opened my eyes to so many things. However, when I was still young, I didn’t understand or know that I could cry in front of my parents. Show them I can be vulnerable too, show them I am in pain too. Sitting in my car after the service on the way to the burial. I slowly showed my family that I am hurt about this loss too.
It was refreshing for my brothers to see as well, that they understood we can grieve as one.
Two years ago my grandma passed away. Luckily for me this time, it taught me how much I have matured. It gave me a new perspective to see my little cousins go through something similar that I went through in eighth grade. No wake or funeral is sunshine and rainbows. However, you are reminded in those rooms that you are not alone.
It teaches you to lean on one another and care for one another. It teaches you just how much you are loved in this life. My grandparents passed down the importance of family to my parents. I will always be grateful for this lesson, as it keeps on teaching.
There is always beauty in grief and tragedy. While everything or everyone may not be in the highest spirits, that doesn’t mean you have to feel every ounce of it. Experience a laugh or hug with a loved one to remember that you have one another in this life.
I am 20 years old and still can’t explain how the passing of a loved one makes you feel. I can give examples of emotions I might have felt. However, there is nothing like kneeling at the casket of your loved one. Yet, you can’t let this grief define you. My grandparents wouldn’t have wanted that. They would want me to see how beautiful a sad moment could be.
Grief, yes it is a tricky thing. Yet, it is also not meant to be endured alone. It is intended to be shared with. Stupid stories you remembered from years ago being told, sharing a laugh with cousins, and simply being together is something that grief gives you.
Next time you are grieving a loved one. Experience all the emotions that loss might weigh on you, however, at the end of the day, once you are lying down at night.
Wipe those tears and smile just like my grandparents would have wanted.
