Social media has made memes, viral videos, and tweets normalizing that crazy girlfriend and that jealous boyfriend. This territorial mentality is unhealthy and impractical in reality. Men are encouraged to pull as many women as they can with a simple direct message to divide and conquer, and women are expected post the perfect selfie to get that guy’s attention in hopes that he would make things official.

Now stay with me here, in my opinion, the real issue is that the young adults of today do not keep their mental health in check. We live in this world of perception, of Instagram likes, retweets and comments. We are lost judging ourselves and other people on our phones all day long. It causes us to become insecure and to value how we look on the outside more than how we feel on the inside.

As I was scrolling through my Instagram feed I came across video posts from Brittany Renner aka @bundleofbrittany, who is an influencer and a writer. You can call her an “Instagram baddie” who posts love and life advice to women. She spoke about how ridiculous it is that when a man is unfaithful, women end up hating the other women and start Instagram stalking them. Your issue should be with the man who played you, correct? But no, some women choose to stay in the relationship and think they are  “wifey material” and that must be why the man keeps coming back.  When in reality the only reason he keeps coming back is that you keep letting him.

I’ve known a few women that like to stay in a relationship with a man, or boy I should say that plays hot potato and sleeps around with other women. In one video Brittany states that “boys like that play on your low self-esteem because they know you love the idea of them more than you love yourself”. They know you will not leave, so what do they do? They have their cake and eat it too. That is why it is important to love yourself before you love anyone else, it is also why keeping your mental health in check should be your number one priority. Just like Brittany said, “ We live in a society that’s more concerned with why we don’t have a relationship then the relationship we have with ourselves”. Loving yourself enough to know you deserve better is when you will be happy and at peace.

Women and men for that matter need to take accountability about the people they keep in their lives. For example, you ever had a friend that talks so much shit about their boyfriend/girlfriend and they just keep going on and on about how much they suck. Then you ask why don’t you just break up with them and move on? And they hit you with the “I love him /her”, or “I just can’t”. The truth is that is not loved or healthy love at least. We act like at the age of 18, 19,20,21 there isn’t another person in this entire world we can connect to.   

Well like Brittany said, “ It’s a hard pill to swallow but every partner that you have been with is a reflection of how you feel about yourself”. In other words, we accept the love we think we deserve. You control of your own reality and the more you are aware of your reality the less it has to fall apart to get your attention. Do not forgive the warning signs of a bad relationship. For example, the all take no give, feeling drained, lack of trust, narcissism, verbal abuse or disrespect and negative energy is not normal or cute. It’s not cool to be text fighting with your boyfriend 24/7. The love you dream about is out there and it has no choice but to find you. In the meantime, start a healthy relationship with yourself.

Love, Val