All things related to Valentine’s Day are annoying to me. I can’t stand pink, or red, or the combination of the two tied in a bow around a giant fluffy teddy bear that no one will be buying me. I hate the hype around it, who cares if you are in love on Valentines? Shouldn’t you be in love all year round as well? I don’t understand the necessity of getting geared up a month and a half in advance for a holiday that is one day, and not everyone is meant to celebrate it unless they are in a relationship, having sex with someone polite, or has a group of friends willing to take them out and get hammered.

When you are unattached on Valentine’s it is nice, and full of bad decisions, which I highly endorse. Since I am the way I am, I treat Valentine’s like a regular bar night. Get all dressed up, drink enough tequila to kill a bum, and hope I don’t end up in some random guy’s apartment looking for my socks. I am not condoning sex before marriage, I usually take my socks off if I go to someone’s house. When it comes to drinking on Valentines you must make sure that you are surrounded by good friends, and clearly friends who are single because your wifed up friends will do nothing to help your self-esteem on this day.  Usually your single friends feel the same way you do, so you all can just forget about upsetting a man and just act up accordingly.

I’m not bitter over Valentine’s Day, don’t get me wrong, when I was in a relationship for Valentine’s I was over the moon. It was sweet, romantic, and I was always excited to figure out where the night was going to take me. I have had one bad Valentine’s, involving an ex-boyfriend who took me out for our dinner and then his friends mysteriously showed up at the restaurant with Nets tickets. This all would have been a great night, and I would have enjoyed the hell out of it, if only my ex and his buddies didn’t get blackout drunk and puke all over the Izod Center resulting in us getting banned from the arena.

I used to really enjoy the Valentine’s Day excitement when I was younger, just like all young girls, you always hope someone will surprise you with flowers, candy, or something they can cover in their cologne and you pretend like you cuddle with it for a period of time. It’s always so enchanting when you’re young, it’s like life is a Taylor Swift song, and you’re seeing things through Instagram filters. Then when you grow up and find alcohol, you start whistling a different tune.

While everyone else is “cuffin’”, I will be taking tequila shots, dancing like a fool, and trying my best to be on my worst behavior. I hope you all have a wonderful Valentine’s but just remember, if you don’t have someone, it’s not the end of the world. Call your girls/boys, and have a night to yourselves, break some hearts and laugh about it in the morning. Ladies, make sure you drunkenly throw in sports references at the bars, men eat that up. Even if you know nothing about sports, I promise you will be their favorite person on the planet, and you will turn them into your play-thing for the night. Gentleman, accept your fate, and if any of you are in a relationship, wrap it up.

Happy Valentine’s Day!