I’m pretty sure 99.9 percent of Hispanics have grown up with a distant dad who isn’t emotionally there and will do some traumatizing stuff that he’ll never bring up again or apologize for.

I grew up with a father just like this. I love Dad but he’s done so many mean things that he’s never apologized for and I haven’t forgotten.

Ever since I was little, he would get so angry at me for not knowing how to do things I’ve never done before. He would always snap so fast when I didn’t do something right the first time. Even then, he still didn’t teach me how to properly do it.

There’s this one memory that isn’t even a huge deal but it’s stuck with me. This was around like ten years ago, my dad was in the kitchen spreading avocado on a tostada. I wanted one, but I had never done it before. I told my dad this and he said to just try.

I cut a slice of the avocado and just put it on top of the tostada. The avocado slice was hard but I tried to spread it anyway. I did it too hard and it made the tostada crack in half. My dad got so annoyed and snapped. He said “Ahhh, how can you not do this?”

I got so upset and just ran to my room.

Looking back at it now, yes I obviously should’ve smushed the avocado before putting it on the tostada but I was a kid, I didn’t know any better. My dad knew I couldn’t do it and got upset I did it wrong.

Another time like this was when I had my first driving lesson with him. This was by far one of my biggest regrets in my life. I got behind the wheel and immediately my dad’s temper got short because I didn’t remember which one was the gas peddle and which one was the brakes.

Once I began driving, he began making me so anxious by getting angry and yelling at me because I was driving too slow or too fast and because I didn’t make the turns the correct way. Then, my dad made me do a U-turn and I messed up. He began yelling at me, telling me everything that I was doing wrong and telling me how much of a terrible driver I am.

I began to cry, we switched seats and it was dead silent all the way home. When we got home, he told me he was only yelling at me because he was nervous and scared having me drive, he didn’t want me to crash.

Since I didn’t get my license, my dad would have to pick me up from work every single time. The rides were quiet for the most part but there were times that my dad and I would argue. This was around two to three years ago so I don’t remember what we argued about, but it made never want to argue with anyone ever again.

Whenever we argued, my dad would just say his side over and over again. He never, to this day, tries to hear or understand my point of view.

Since I was stuck in the car with him, and couldn’t go anywhere, I would eventually just shut my mouth for the rest of the ride home and let him talk to himself.

I think because of all this, I’m so anxious around my dad. He’s just so intense all the time. Whenever he comes home I can feel the calmness leave the room. I never want to mess up or say the wrong thing around him because I’ll just get yelled at again.

He’s always intense but he has his sweet moments. I do wish he would’ve made more of an effort to spend some time with me when I was growing up. Because now, we have like nothing to talk about and we don’t really spend time together unless he’s giving me ride somewhere. I literally spent all my time growing up around my mom, she’s the complete opposite of my dad.

My dad and I haven’t argued in a very long time and he’s made a bit of an effort to talk with me more. The conversation isn’t long but I don’t mind, I actually like it.

Anything is better than being anxious around Dad all the time.