I’m terrified for the future of my family.

Recently I was talking to one of my friends and she mentioned how she would like to be married by 26 and have at least one child by 28. She’s 22. 

I’m 20 and the thought of marriage and children hadn’t even crossed my mind yet. Or rather, it did but not in any serious way.

So that terrified me. Because I had no knowledge in my mind that screamed at me that this was the age I should start thinking about my future in terms of family.

So, I Googled it.

Turns out, the average age of marriage falls between ages 27-29, and the average age for first-time parents falls from 21 to 27 for women and 27 to 31 for men.

I don’t remember when I decided this, but I was completely adamant about enjoying my 20s completely ring and child-free. Now every day I’m constantly randomly reminded by my lovely brain that I only have seven years before I have to get my life together and “get serious” about my future. 

I’ve heard all these stories, tips, and advice from people about how “living” truly starts in your 20s and how I shouldn’t stress about life during this time. Now, just within four months of being 20, I’m having an existential crisis about my future. 

I’m an only child. This means it also falls on me to continue the Plaisir family bloodline. My cousin just had a baby and I was fully committed to being the fun, rich, carefree cousin figure to her. Now I’m thinking about what age I need to have my child so that they can be within the same generation. Is that something that I want? I don’t know but I’m thinking about it now. I wasn’t two weeks ago.

Another thing to thank for my relentless ability to refuse things as a child is a fact that I am monolingual. The only monolingual person in my family. I am literally the only person who only speaks English in my family, save for the 3-year-old baby who is just learning to understand English.

Try to find a Haitian person living in the United States of America who doesn’t speak Creole or French. I’ve met plenty who aren’t a part of my family in my lifetime. Every time I get introduced, they say “Bonswa, koman ou ye?” I stare at them like a fish until my mom rescues me by saying a joke in creole about how I never learned the language. And then I get the judgemental look that only a person from Haiti knows how to give that makes me feel like they’re looking down on me even though the majority of the time I am taller than everyone I meet.

Because I only speak English. And unless I commit to living with my mom for the rest of my life then my kids will also only speak English. (Unless of course I marry someone who speaks Creole or French.)

I’m about as Americanized as they come. Despite my mother’s constant efforts at trying to “culture me.”

Of course, this didn’t bother me growing up. I was perfectly content awkwardly standing next to my mom at family gatherings, staring at everyone like a blobfish while they all had intricate conversations with words that might as well have been verbal hieroglyphics. 

So back to the original topic.

I am absolutely terrified for the future of my family.

In six to eight years will I be ready to grow, birth, and raise a whole other human being? I’ve had multiple summer camp jobs. I’ve babysat the kids and babies of many friends and family. There weren’t any particularly bad experiences but one time during the summer job a first grader came to camp with their dead lizard in a bag. She was hysterical and deeply saddened and she refused to do anything until we helped her bury it in the dirt. 

This is why I also Googled the best age to have children.

The good news is the best age to have kids is late 20s or early 30s. The “ideal perfect age ”being 30 and a half.’ At least according to Healthline. This is perfect because that means I have at least ten years before 

Although I was already planning on giving myself at least 10 years before thinking about a family.

It’s not that I don’t want a family at all. It’s just that I’m extremely not ready yet. And I don’t think I’ll be ready in five years either. 

But I know that you grow and evolve with each passing year. Maybe life will alter and maneuver itself will put me in a situation where I will be ready for a family sooner than I think. Who knows….