Last Monday, on Nov. 21, I officially turned 21. 21 on 21. Upon reaching this milestone, I realized that I have a lot to think about now. So here’s my list. 21 thoughts about turning 21. 

1. The obvious. I’m officially an adult.

No more whining about it– I can’t get away with that anymore. I’m 21 years old. I’m not a child. My brain is almost fully developed. I have to start taking responsibility for my own life now. I have to start making something of myself. No more excuses. I look at children and I envy their naivety. Their biggest problem in life is fighting over who’s going to be the line leader for the day.

2. I’m going to have to start paying for insurance.

My mom has been slightly mentioning how my insurance coverage is going to start changing ever since I turned 18. I know there were some small changes when I turned 18 but now that I’m 21 and officially an adult, I know more things will happen

3. This is my last year of college.

I’m graduating. And I actually have roughly six months to decide if I truly want to go to grad school. And I need to end this semester with perfect grades. This is the end of the line paved for me and there’s no room for mistakes. Although I know I’m doing terribly in French and I don’t know how to get better.

4. I can drink.

I can drink! OR. I can drink. I’m actually unsure if I’m excited about it or not. Truth be told I’ve honestly never had alcohol in my system ever. I don’t know why but I’m truly terrified of how I’ll be. Clearly, the aftermath of some unhealed trauma was somewhere in my childhood, although I can’t identify from where.

5. And own a gun…

I can drink!… and own a gun. No feelings toward that. But just a thought. I can legally own a gun. I don’t know if I want to though.

6. Do I look older?

I’m 21. Do I look 21? Do people pass by me and think that’s a 21-year-old?

7. Do I still dress like a high schooler?

I commute to college so sometimes I catch the middle/high school crowd during transportation. I always wonder, do they think I’m a high schooler as well? Do I dress young or do I dress like a college student? How does one dress like a college student? There’s a fine line between the two that I think I cross daily. 

8. Money. Spending. Saving.

This is my first Christmas as a working adult. Yes, I’ve had jobs before but this is the first time my money is truly my own and I don’t have someone checking my bill statements every week and tracking my spending. I’m an adult and I’m making my own money. I’m trying to keep a line between finally indulging in items I want and being aware of how my life is changing and maybe it’s time to start saving. I want a Nintendo switch but I want to be able to sustain myself with my mother’s help. It’s not that I think something is wrong with relying on parents but I know I’ve been a little too codependent.

9. “Big girl” job.

The job I have currently is good. But it has nothing to do with my major or desired career path. It’s time for me to start acting seriously about my life. I need to look for a job that will not only support an independent lifestyle but also satisfy me in terms of my career desires.

1o. Keeping friends. Staying social.

How do I stay social when all my friends live miles away? All my childhood friends moved away and the daily texting is okay but I miss hanging out with them. And the thing about college is that you’ll meet some wonderful people but then find out they actually live in an entirely different state. It’s not like elementary school where you can go to the park every day after school and spend time together. It’s hard to stay social right now and I hate it.

11. Being healthy

Now that my school schedule is created by me and I have more time to myself before work, I have been spending time thinking about bettering myself. That includes taking care of my body better. I feel like I’ve never been the kindest to myself or my health but something a friend said to me really stuck. “I don’t want to look back 30 years from now and hate myself for not taking care of my body the way I was supposed to when I had the chance.” I know I’m not the healthiest. I take multiple naps a day when I can and don’t have the energy a 21-year-old should. If I wake up early sometimes I’m tired by the afternoon and that shouldn’t be.

12. Gym membership?

One of the ways I’ve been thinking about being healthier includes getting a gym membership. 

13. Sleep schedule

I’m tired of having low energy a for a couple hours after I wake up. I’m too young to barely do anything. I need a better schedule to introduce more productivity in my life.

14. Getting my own place.

The thing about America is that it’s normalized to start moving out the second you turn 18. 

15. Leaving family and creating my own

I already had an entire breakdown about this here and I refuse to go down that rabbit hole again. But this is a terrifying thought.

16. Understanding disagreements

I’m not a child anymore which means I have to come to terms with the fact that people aren’t going to like everything you do or take things the way you mean them and vice versa. Something I knew for a while now but sometimes I’m starting to be okay with now.  As people, we all think differently. I don’t have to end every relationship because of small disagreements. 

17. Going back to church?

I’ve gone to church almost every Sunday since I was a baby up until I started college. It was time for me to acknowledge the church I went to wasn’t healthy and added more problems than relief. And once my mom couldn’t force me to go anywhere anymore I stopped going. But my relationship with God didn’t disappear. This year Christmas lands on a Sunday and I’m considering finally going back.

18. Height.

I’m 5’9. Which means I’m going to have to struggle with finding pants and shoes that fit me for the rest of my life.

Being okay with yourself