How To Love Someone

Miles Carter is a talented visual artist , who makes content surrounding relationships and self love. In his piece ‘if you decide to love someone,’ he paints the story of surrendering yourself to love despite the risks. Here are my thoughts .



This generation is known for guarded emotions, trust issues , and hiding behind screens. We’ve grown accustom to  sending emoji’s instead of words, liking pictures instead of giving compliments, and making things unofficial due to the fear of getting hurt. We’ve grown afraid of being vulnerable, and that has prevented us from loving fully especially after a heart break. Then people tend to blame their new partner for the mistakes of the people in their past. I don’t think this is fair. Your new partner shouldn’t have to clean up the baggage of your past just for the simple fact that they are a new person , a new energy in your life. Everyone we love in our lives has a purpose . Love is an experience we are supposed to have multiple times and every person will bring you a different kind of love in order to teach you different things about yourself.

As I was scrolling through my twitter feed I came across a visual art piece titled “if you decide to love someone” by Miles Carter aka @unfollowcarter. It demonstrates beautiful film images of a couple and young people, with a spoken word over it. The first few lines being with “if you decide to love someone. Surrender your heart. Remove the guards and relinquish their shields , you need to feel this thoroughly. Love was never meant to be safe or measured , so love irrationally”. These beautiful words reminded me of how the need to be vulnerable in relationship, even though it can be dreadful at first. This is a time of hindered spirits , of people that are scarred from their past. We are not conditioned to feel genuine emotions. We are not taught emotional maturity or the ability to accept the emotions we are feeling . However there is nothing more thrilling then falling in love and nothing more beautiful than doing it unconditionally. It is what makes us human.

The fear that people feel is heartbreak. The “time wasted”, the emotional investment that did not amount to anything . The common line of “I can’t live without you”. The irrational fear that no one else is better and the anxiety that comes with starting all over again. The truth is you have to go into a relationship with the mentality that it might end , and that is okay. You will not die from heart ache.  Still fully indulge yourself and live in the moment. Miles perfectly expresses that with the line “and in the event that love breaks you , let it break. Do not close yourself off or shut yourself down. Your heart will be shaped and reshaped but in the end it will still be yours. As humans we were bless with the skill of adaptation. It is how we have survived for eons”.  In other words, do not be afraid of heartbreak because in the end you will adapt to change. As humans , we have this in our DNA , it is how we survived . Go into the new relationship with the reality that it may not work out , but the payoff is the knowledge you gain from the experience.

When you are heartbroken the best thing to do to move on is to let yourself fully feel those emotions. Do not lie to yourself about the heart ache you feel.  Feel that pain so that you can eventually heal. Tell yourself you miss that person if you truly do, but accept that it will not bring that person back. It is like getting a cut . At first it stings but once you clean it up and bandage it , it will heal for good. Now if you just let it bleed and don’t  wrap it , it gets infected and then it starts affecting other parts of your body. In reality you start having trust issues and guarding  yourself from getting hurt again. An you say you have moved on , but you  have outburst with people who do not deserve it .Bottling emotions up is only going to make things worse.  If you are using your past relationship flaws to stop you from trusting your new partner , than you clearly need time to feel your pain and learn from the past.

This includes taking time to love yourself and putting that energy into a passion. From personal experience , once your heart is healed you will notice your life will start picking up at such a fast past,  because you are metamorphosing into the person you were meant to become. You start changing so rapidly , you don’t even realized . You will come to a point where you have created your standards for what a compatible partner is to you . And you won’t settle for anything below that bar. Love yourself first, and at your own time allow yourself to be open to new love.  Link to Carters piece is attached above.

Love, Val