First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes DIVORCE?

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes DIVORCE?

You like some body, they like you back, you date for years, you proposes to her, she says yes, you get married, have 3 kids and a house with a white picket fence and a dog.  This is how the story was painted for me growing up.  What seemed so simple to some people,really isn’t simple at all.  In fact 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.  Those numbers are very scary to me.  I mean granted we all want to fall in love and get married some day but how do we really know if our marriage will last?


Well first off, there is really know way you can predict if your marriage is going to last because nobody can tell the future.  Studies show that you find out if your marriage will last within your newlyweds years, which makes sense being that half of first time marriages end in divorce.  But for the other half of the couples that do not divorce in their first year of marriage, getting out of the newlywed years can be tough.


So what about those other half of first time marriages that stay together?  How do the do it?


There are many different signs that can reassure you that you are in a good, stable marriage.


One sign of a healthy marriage is good communication.  Good verbal communication is very important.  Understanding what you spouse is saying is key to maintaining a good relationship.  Their may be times that you might say one thing and mean another.  You and your spouse must be able to understand what one another means even if its not what you say.  If you lack communication with your spouse that will only lead to miscommunication


Another sign that your in a good marriage is that you and your spouse share mutual interests.  One of the best ways to be together in the long run is to share one or two common interests. Having a mutual love for something can spark different types of conversations with your spouse instead of the normal conversations about work and whats for dinner.


Your sex life plays a major role in your marriage as well.  A good sex life is a sign of a stable and happy marriage.  What usually happens is that you and your spouse can’t find time for “sex” because of things like work or the kids, and the urge gets suppressed so long that you lose the drive. What you should do as husband and wife is set aside some alone time to do whatever you want.  Im not talking about a date on the couch either!  You have to show signs of romance otherwise the marriage gets dead and boring.


Just like there are signs of a happy and stable marriage, there are also signs of a bad marriage.


One sign of a bad marriage is excessive arguments over the same things.  Frequent disagreements between the husband and wife it is a definite sign that all is not well in the marriage. Some couples even resort to constant name calling, hurtful or vulgar behavior and bringing up issues that will purposely hurt the other person. in my opinion, if this is something that you are going through in your marriage I’d advise that you seek help from friends, family or a professional marriage counselor.


Another sign of a bad marriage is abusive behavior and violent acts.  My belief is that no matter how upset you are at a female, a man should never lay hands on a woman.  If your marriage becomes physically abusive as a female you should contact the proper authorities and distance yourself as far away from your spouse as possible.  Many domestic violence cases in the United States end in death, so if you chose to stay in a abusive relationship it could be detrimental to your life.


I know your probably thinking who the hell am I, the love doctor?


Personally, I was in a relationship for 15 years before we called it quits.  My mother left my father when I was 13 so I have seen first hand what a bad marriage consists of.  If certain signs did not go unrecognized maybe things would have been different for me and my family.  Who knows?