Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places!


Kimberly Franco, Staff Writer

You meet someone and everything changes. You can’t stop thinking about him or her. You want to see them constantly and an addiction to one another starts. Everything becomes lollipops and gum drops. All you want are hugs and kisses and to hear 3 words that you felt the moment you started to care about this person. But you’re past relationships hold you back. You become a person you don’t recognize. You become greedy, jealous, obsessed with the addiction to happiness that this person brings you. And it is in those same obsessions that you lose that happiness. Then in turn losing that person but why? Why do we become like this? Was it the wrong person? Well, it happens again and again so it’s not the person. Was it the wrong time? It never seems to be the right time, so it can’t be that. Am I not good enough for real love? You deserve all the love in the world so it’s not that. The problem lies with in you.


I know what your thinking, it not me, its them. But you deserve all the love you keep trying to give everyone else! Your insecurities about yourself fester into your love for them. Your fear of being alone is due to the fact that you don’t really love yourself. If you love yourself time for yourself feels good, it’s well needed, its pleasurable. But you are scared of being alone with yourself because you feel unworthy. How do you change this?


By truly loving yourself! Unconditionally loving yourself is hard at first. I can tell you from experience. It takes time you have to develop a habit of loving yourself. You see I was an overweight girl growing up. I often look down upon myself and told myself hateful things in the mirror. I am also Brazilian. Brazilian women are famous for being sexy and desirable. And here I was overweight and with low self esteem because people constantly told me that I couldn’t be Brazilian because I don’t have a large bottom. What I needed was some deep self-healing.


At first I went on starvation diet, after starvation diet, after trying to be bulimic all to please people that really didn’t care about me. But I don’t blame those people because I really didn’t care about myself. I was willing to starve myself to be more pleasing to others. I had a 360 in my life when something dramatic happened and I realized that I need myself more than anything. That I need to be my own hero; no one can save me but myself! I had to learn that I need to forgive myself for treating myself badly. I realized that if I couldn’t care about myself. How could I expect anyone to do the same? I realized that no one could take care of me like I can take care of me. I realized that without all my mistakes, I couldn’t be the person I am today. I needed to live through all my bad experience to become this bright positive young woman. I realized that with me being over weight and feeling bad about myself it then let me on a weight loss journey and now I make money off of it.


I chose to marry myself. Now the most important relationship is the one that I have with myself and then all other relationships precede. Even the Bible says love thy neighbors like you love thyself. But if you don’t love yourself, how can you love thy neighbor. I realized if I don’t feed myself, my body will go into starvation mode and store fat because it believes that it will never get food again. I also learned it’s the same way with your love. It’ll hold onto the littlest love that you have because it’s afraid that it will never get it again. So now everyday I look in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am. I rub my stomach and I tell my stomach that I love it. It’s my newest favorite part of my body. I tell my stomach that I’m sorry forever making myself fell bad.


I accept myself as who I am. But most importantly I learned to love myself above all things and to forgive myself for falling short of what I say I will do. I learned to laugh at myself and not be so hard on my. I learn to love where I am right now and know that I’m going to get better and better. I learned that I need myself. I realized that I was born by myself and will die by myself. I learn to appreciate my body for all it does for me.

I decided to committee vows to myself. That I would love myself with in sickness and health. That I would love myself for richer or poorer. That I would have and hold myself. I learn to love myself right where I am. That means I won’t love myself after I lose 10 pounds. No, I’m going to love myself right now, right here, the way I am today. While I take steps to be a better person. Loving myself exactly where I am is the only way to get where I’m going.


I learned that aspects in your life where you have the most problems, become the places you have the most to give. I agreed to stay with myself no matter what. I learn to sit by my own bedside and nurse myself back to health. I learn to take care of myself, to eat better, to think better thoughts, to be a better person and that’s what the world needs. I learned that I am a person I can count on. I learn to love myself the way I want others to love me.

I learn that it’s never a failure unless you don’t learn from it and you don’t grow. There’s a saying, you ask for patience and what you get is a line at the bank. And what that means is that life does not give you what you ask for it gives you the people, the places and situations that allow you to develop what you ask for. The funniest thing is that if you don’t get it right the first time, life will give it to you again and again and again. Until you finally get it because life is very generous.

Sometimes we feel emptiness, a hole within our selves. That we believe can only be filled with others love for us. But that hole can only be filled if you love yourself unconditionally. Loving yourself unconditionally means no matter what the conditions are you will love yourself and accept yourself where you are today. When you do this then you can help all other relationships in your life. You lean to expect others where they are, as they are and the world need more people like that! When you put yourself first, you can now value yourself and now when going on dates you don’t worry if they like you, you worry if you like them, if you should waste your time. If someone doesn’t treat you right, you walk away because you are not going to let others make you feel bad about yourself. Who will you marry?