Where Some Friendships Go To Die by Joseph Torres

There have been many zones described throughout human history, both fictional and factual.

If you unlock a door with a key of imagination, and beyond that is another dimension – a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight, a dimension of mind. Then you’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. Then my friend you’ve just crossed over into the Twilight Zone.

However, the zone I speak of can be a harsh prison. I am not describing the glass prison that entrapped General Zod. At least he was able to escape from his prison! This sure as hell surprised Superman. Now we can cross the Phantom Zone off of our list.

Alright, that is enough beating around the bush.

The Friend Zone

The Friend Zone sounds like a real nice place. A place filled with good times and lots of laughs. Funny text messages filled with utter nonsense being sent back and forth.

Not to mention the general enjoyment of each others company, simply for the sake of enjoying each other. The best part of this beautiful scenario is usually its torture for one of the two participants.

This is where things become difficult as a reader.

There are two sides to approaching the Friend Zone – “The Placer & the Placed.”

Let’s start out really simple.

This scenario happens to everyone. In all honesty there is an attraction that makes individuals become friends. If I were attempting to B.S the situation I would use the term appeal instead of using attraction.

Usually it’s a comment or conversation that sparks the attraction of interest. She/he will make a remark that stands out a little more than anyone else’s.

Now it is important for you to check yourself before you wreck yourself, because misinterpreting niceness for flirting can be bad for your health.

Who doesn’t like a nice person with the same interests as you? If they’re attractive it’s even better right. I mean you’re getting to know them and they’re getting to know you. You look so forward to speaking to this person just to see what they have to say.

There is one huge problem.

You are this person’s friend. You are not dating this person. You have situated yourself in “The Friend Zone.”

Is The Friend Zone a bad place to be?

Absolutely not!

However, If, and I stress the word “IF”, you are pursuing a romantic relationship with someone this is not the route to take.

If you’re currently in a relationship with someone this is the best place to situate yourself. Simply because once you are in the friend zone there is relatively no chance of escape.

Let’s get back to pursuing the relationship from “The Friend Zone.” If you begin to see yourself with this person you’re in too deep.

Pursuing a relationship through friendship is like using black magic. You are meddling with forces that shouldn’t be tampered with. You have established yourself as the rock, the shoulder to cry on so to speak.

You know your friend inside and out. You go above and beyond for this person.

Once again you’re in way too deep.

Everything that you’ve done begins to create a fictitious sense of entitlement.

You make the person laugh all the time. They tell you how you made their day or how they were thinking about you when they saw or heard something. Instead of you listening to them it only fuels your belief that you two will live happily ever after.

Now some not all will confess their feelings to their friend. We will deal with that scenario in a second, but first I want to go with scenario B. Scenario B leads to one of the biggest let downs ever.

You have fallen for your friend and decide to wait until they acknowledge you. You watch as they go through not one but several relationships. Once again this continues to build your case as each of their relationships come to an end. That sense of entitlement is growing into a hulkish superiority complex.

Now you have your case prepared. Some of you even rehearse how you’re going to finally reveal the love that could only be described as epic. You’ve played out this scenario a thousand times.

You muster up the courage and reveal that you have feelings for them.

Most of the time, the friend knows how you feel and dreads this day. They just hope the day never comes when they have to shut down a friend that they genuinely like.

You have delivered the most well prepared devoted speech ever. Your thoughts, feelings, and hell even your soul was in there.

You feel like you just got the world off your shoulders.

Then it hits you – They actually have to respond.

Friends attempt to be as nice as possible. The realest line that a friend trying to let another friend down could use is “I don’t know what to say.”

It’s a good thing that you got the world off your shoulders because you just got socked in the bread basket.

Now it’s hit the fan. You can’t go back now.

Now here comes the “Awwwww” moment. Honestly, if this was a show on TV, I would change the channel, before I see the person do this to them self. You ask “Why won’t they date you? Or “What’s wrong with you?”

You’re upset, and you’re right to be upset. You put in all this work. You waited all this time. You’ve been there through anything and everything. How could they do this to you?

This is where you need to snap out of it.

They didn’t do this to you. You did this to you. They didn’t lead you on. You led yourself on.

This is where lying becomes crucial.

You either lie or say you can remain friends and its okay. Or you lie and blame them for what’s happened.

Of course being honest with oneself is important, but blaming yourself is different from learning what not to do again.

If it’s gotten to this point there is no way your friendship is going to be the same.

Learn and respect “The Friend Zone” for what it is.

Use this time to reflect and make yourself stronger. Don’t be a moron and just randomly start messing around with people just because you wasted your own time.

Remember you weren’t dating. So technically there is no reason why you should be looking for a rebound person.

You invested all that time into a fictitious dream. Now it’s time to invest in you. I mean that’s who’s important.

Now some people are just plain stubborn they think that they can change or convince their friend that they’ve made a grave mistake.

They will realize and come to their senses.

“Where’s the remote?”, because it’s time to change the channel.

The only thing that you do by immediately dating someone else is make yourself look like a fool, moron, or whore.

Your goal won’t be achieved. Yet you will be rewarded by disappointing your friend. They genuinely want to be happy for you, but not by selling yourself short.

Let it go before you travel down scenario B.

Now scenario A is similar to scenario B with the exception that the reveal happens before the individual follows the relationships.

The reveal happens and the friend once again “doesn’t know what to say.”

There are two choices Friend Zone or Walk away.

We already know that “The Friend Zone” is exactly that, and we know where it can lead.

Now if you truly want to remain friends and only friends, then that’s great. If you know you can’t be a real friend walk away.

There it is! “The Friend Zone” door right in front of you, but guess what you’re not in the friend zone.

Wait! What?

“The Friend Zone” can only exist if you are friends. So yes if you are a friend and walk away after a quick reveal you technically have another shot down the road.

Times change, things change.

Scenario B was destructive and built on a lie. In Scenario A, you put it on the line, didn’t get what you want and over all chose yourself.

Now it’s time for you to be the best you that you can be.

Now the reason Scenario A can get a shot again is because they matched up well initially but the friend decided against dating.

“Okay then” you say.

Now you have up and moved on in a drop of a hat.

The friendship that you were offering has been stopped at a halt. That fact alone peaks more interest than anything you could have pulled off normally.

People love attention and when it stops coming from a reliable source people begin to reevaluate the situation.

You know this now. So why don’t you just do this instead right?

Because then you are no more than a Hybrid of Scenario b.

The reason why I don’t call this Scenario C is because Scenario C is reserved for stalkers. Scenario C is scary because it usually happens after scenario A. Right after the reveal, the individual doesn’t understand that it’s really not happening.

Most of the time stalkers want to explain themselves, because for whatever reason you don’t seem to understand where they’re coming from.

I am all for: Pushing the limit, Going balls to the wall, and going out in a Blaze of Glory. Now listen very carefully if the person puts space specifically between them and yourself back off.

Scenario C sounded scary and crazy right? The real messed up part is if scenario C backs off right before the point of stalker status they too could have another shot.

This once again lowers Scenario B down another notch.

Let us recap quickly who has the chance of getting with the friend:

#1.Scenario A

#2. Scenario C (Pre-Stalker)

#3. It’s a tie between Scenario B & Scenario C (Stalker)

You just read all of this and you say I was friends with so and so before we started dating.

Were you friends before you started or were you associates?

Women tend to use the word friend as well gay men and lesbians.

For the most part men do not make this mistake they tend to refer to an individual trait wise.

Who’s that? That’s So & So- She’s cool.

Last but not least I want to quickly touch on FWB. That’s right friends with (Sexual) benefits. This agreement usually occurs in “The Friend Zone” and if Scenario B plays their cards and doesn’t reveal who knows maybe they have a shot. However “FWB” actually applies to the individuals I haven’t mentioned, actual friends.

The reason why I didn’t mention actual friends is because they don’t have ulterior motives.

They are far and few between.

Take your time and digest all that you have learned because our journey has just begun into Parts Unknown.