That whole drunk confession thing…it’s not just me, right?
You have a couple (dozen) drinks, and the next thing you know you’re baring your soul to your best friend, the awkward girl from work, your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, the bouncer and anyone else willing to listen.
Now, you see, this wouldn’t be a problem, but it seems as though you find yourself sharing things you really should keep to yourself.
Don’t know what I’m talking about? Take a look at what I mean. And if you’re guilty of making these drunken confessions, raise your glass in solidarity!
- “I love you like Jay-Z loves Beyoncé.” Premature, over-the-top love confessions have a way of escaping people’s lips when they’ve been drinking. Even if it’s not exactly true. Sorry boyfriends and girlfriends!
- “You’re a bad kisser.” There’s never really a good time to tell someone they’re a bad kisser, so -why not do it when you’re wasted?
- “You’re SO pretty, like…SO pretty.” There comes a point in the night, around four in the morning, or drink number 42, when your best friend’s hair becomes shinier, her teeth become whiter, her tan got tanner, and she’s just SO pretty, and all you want to do is pet her shiny head and tell them how pretty they are, and you just tell them to go with it.
- “At first, I didn’t even LIKE you!” Remember that bitch in high school you hated, and you used to have all those snarky nicknames for her? Well after a couple of drinks, you realize that she’s actually, maybe, kind of cool and friend material. So you exchange numbers, but after telling her what you originally thought of her, you never actually text or call each other.
- “I have a crush on ____.” Sounded like a good idea at the time. It’s not the end of the world now that everyone knows you’re mildly in love with your best friend’s brother’s best friend.
- “You should break up with your girlfriend.” Danger! Turn back! Not the territory you want to step on. Telling your guy friend, who you happen to lust over, that you would be such a better girlfriend than the one he has now.
- “We should be BEST friends!” You go out with a new girl once and you have a great time and from that point forward you think you should hang out every night until the end of time and be BEST friends 4EVER!
- “Where did our friendship fall apart?” Seeing that BFF you had in high school that you suddenly stopped talking to for whatever reason you don’t remember, and catching up on your lives saying how much you miss each other’s moms. You exchange numbers, maybe go out to coffee once and visit the family, and then never talk to each other again.
- “I had the biggest crush on you in high school!” That’s pretty much self-explanatory. That can never end well. Becuase you may end up hooking up with your high school crush who had a six pack in high school, and that six pack developed into a beer gut, and the sex was not as great as you imagined.
There are ways to avoid these confrontations. Just keep what you’re thinking to yourself. When all else fails, just hop on the bar and start dancing!
