“Supernatural” –  a show I’ve loved since I was a little girl. I remember the days when I didn’t go to school and would watch reruns on TNT. I grew up on a lot of similar shows — “Angel,” “Charmed,” “Buffy,” so, it made sense that I loved “Supernatural.”

The show’s storylines have always been special to me. Actually, there was one episode in particular that really scared me back then.

The characters are more than fiction – they are pure love.

A couple of years later, as a teenager, I rediscovered the show. I fell in love with it hard and fast. I was obsessed. It was the only thing I could think about. When I had a friendship end in school, it was this show that kept me going.

It wasn’t long after that when I fell in love with the fandom and the conventions, too. I had just turned 16 and was getting my first job and I needed money for a con. I was too late to get the tickets for the whole weekend, but it was okay because I also fell in love with Louden Swain. I realized I could go to my closest con and watch the SNS. I was over the moon.

The Saturday I spent on that first con was magical. I swear I could smell the difference in the air; the excitement; the joy. I remember meeting Rob and not being able to speak, and watching the most magical concert I had ever seen, and feeling so, so happy. Walking up to get Swain autos after the show was the happiest moment I can remember in my life right now. Overjoyed, sobbing from the love, and meeting someone who I had been messaging for months was just magical. I was on a pure high.

A year later, I saved all of my money and I went for a full weekend. What a time. That was the first time I had seen Jason Manns at a con – a “manns” I would later come to love greatly. It was the first time I met J2, Misha, and Rich. I had so much fun with friends, too.

Then, the year after that, I was 18 and experiencing life, new people, and relationships I thought would never leave me. That was the last con I was at where everything was perfect, but I still had the show. 

My life and relationships and how I felt about the fandom took an abrupt and harsh turn soon after. The things that once brought me joy, no longer did. Twitter sucked. Cons sucked. People sucked. But I still had the show.

The fandom led me to Nerd Alert News, where I work now. I discovered my love for writing. It led me to become a journalism major in college; to make real moves toward a career. The fandom did that; the show. It changed my entire life. I would not be on this path without the show.

For those who know my story, you know very well what I was going through these last few years. I felt like it sucked the life out of me and everything I enjoyed, but then I went to this last convention and had the worst weekend of my life.

Little things happened here and there. Chris Schmelke was around every corner saying the most random but most perfect and loving thing I needed to hear, whether he knew what I was going through or not. He was there for me. Chatting with Clif and remembering how excited I used to be on Sundays at the cons, being gifted a J2 photo and finally getting my J2 autos, by the end of the weekend, left me feeling much less jaded about the process. I felt excited again; like a fan; like that 15-year-old girl. I won’t ever forget that feeling again. I am re-embracing it every day. 

I have so much love for everyone I have met through the fandom, even the ones who think I hate them. I don’t. Life is short. Everyone deserves to be happy, and I wish everyone the best. It took some time for me to get to that place, but I truly am there.

“Supernatural” has led to incredible heartbreaks I will never forget, to life-changing path decisions, and it’s led me to who I am today.

There are so many people I want to thank.

To the cast and crew: thank you for all of your work. Truly, you are all heroes and I love you.

To the besties: you know who you are. Thanks for riding this roller coaster with me, and for all the fun memories that started at the cons and will end with the rest of our lives.

To the con peeps, workers, and volunteers: we may not have always seen eye to eye, but thank you. Thank you for always keeping me picture-ready, too.

Chris: thank you for being a gentle giant and my guardian angel this last con, even though you probably didn’t know that you were.

Manns: I love you. Thank you for being there for me for many, many years. You taught me so much about life and myself. I will remember our chats forever. Our chapter may be closing, but thanks for being in my life when you were.

Louden Swain: thank you for inspiring me. Music is my love. I have pursued that because of you guys.

Billy: thank you for the kind words, always.

Rob and Mike: thank you for always being cool peeps.

Rich: you gave me my first-ever interview and live interview, and for that, I will always be thankful.

And to Stephen, my first love: I wish you all the best in life, truly. Thank you for giving me much needed life experience and for helping me become the person I am today. You were a part of my life for a long time, and in a way, you always will be. 

To the people I have hurt through the years: I’m sorry. Twitter drama, fandom BS, or real personal pain I have caused – I apologize. I truly mean that for everyone.

To the girl who is probably similar to me and that I hurt a lot: I’m sorry. There is no excuse for the pain I have inflicted just because I was in pain. Jealousy and spite are not pretty and you should never have been a target of mine. You were innocent and I’m sorry. I wish you love.

This fandom and show have changed my life forever. Now, it’s ending.

The fandom will still be here, though I think it’s time for me to bow out along with the show.

Maybe you guys will see me in the fandom, but you probably won’t. The change will happen for all of us one day, and one thing I have learned after all these years is when it’s time to move on.

Eric, Jared, Jensen, Misha, and more: thank you.

To those I may not have mentioned: just know, if we have crossed paths in any way, you are loved and appreciated.

The end.