Recently I’ve come to a conclusion that this is real life and I don’t know if I am quite happy with it.

I am in college for my fourth out of five years going for my masters in English Education and I find myself thinking, is this what I want to do?

Do I really want to wake up at six o’clock in the morning, every single day, Monday through Friday, to teach a whole bunch of little brats that aren’t deserving of the amount of work I put into a lesson plan?—Because I sure didn’t appreciate my teachers in high school. And then I think to myself, after my professors discouraged me with the requirements that they looked for, thinking that they are the only class that I take, I don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life and I am completely okay with that.

While everyone wants to have their life in control by their senior year of college, I don’t. I want to live without a plan and not worry about the bullshit of being 21.

My sisters had their lives together at my age. One was in college studying Criminal Justice and the other was an insurance broker since the age of 18. Now one of my sisters is engaged to her girlfriend and the other one is getting married in two weeks to her boyfriend. What has life come to?

A lot of things have been pulling me back lately: health issues, emotional issues and psychological issues. Just a whole bunch of personal shit.

Last semester was one of the worst semesters of my life: dealing with a knee tumor, being in a wheelchair, being in an unhealthy relationship and losing someone very important to me. I didn’t think I was going to get through it, but I did. I made it, and this means that I should be stronger than ever right?

I am. I am in a happy relationship with an amazing person who has been there for me through so many things (even though he hates me half of the time). I am healthy and walking with very little to no pain and I am getting better and better as the days go by. But why am I so unhappy?

I think that I witnessed other people being so much happier than I am and it’s pulling me back from my own happiness. I need to stop doing that. I have to understand that other people have different ways of being happy and I cannot underestimate my happiness.

Life has its way of taking you down and pulling you into a shit hole but you just have to rise up from that and keep aiming towards your happiness. Nothing is going to pull me back to how I was last semester and nothing is going to bring me down anymore.

I’d like to end saying that I am happy. I take pride in having real friends who care about me and family who love me no matter what. That is what I consider to be happiness. And who ever cannot deal with that or doesn’t like to see me happy then that sucks because nothing is going to change. I added one of the most inspirational videos that a person who was once very important to me  showed me at my lowest point, enjoy!