The Tinder Tales

It's A Jungle Out There In The Dating World. Here's How The Animals Behave When Let Out Of The Cage

April 6, 2017

The Tinder Tales

A young woman sits on her dorm bed with her phone in one hand as the screen light on her phone brightens up the room. She opens Tinder and stares at a profile picture for a good minute before deciding which way to swipe.

After careful consideration, she thinks ‘nope,’ as her finger swipes left.

This occurs for another eleven swipes.

Then, she sees the one.

The response was something I wasn’t expecting. “Sit on my face.” With the tongue sticking out emoji. Well, that escalated quickly.”

His blonde hair and blues eyes caught her by surprise and the perfect smile on his face gave her no hesitation on what to do next.

She swiped right, but the excitement she had on her face once it said, “You matched,” caused her to believe this could be something real.

As they say, any swipe could change your life, but could Tinder really help her find love?

***

This all started with a simple spark of a moment. I, Weronika, wanted to see if Tinder truly lived up to its potential.

It did scare me for a brief moment when I found out I had to log in through Facebook. My first initial thought was, “Will all my friends know that I’m on Tinder? Eek.” Yet the app assured me that all my information is private and that they won’t post on my behalf. So, with that, I said let’s go for it.

Believe it or not, Tinder can be somewhat of a confidence booster. Ever since I was younger, my self-esteem wasn’t the highest. Being bullied throughout most of your life for your looks never does well for a young girl.

Fast forward a few years, and boom, then came Tinder.

When I first swiped right on a guy who I thought to be cute, it was an automatic match. I won’t lie – I was in shock at how quick we got matched. I had just set up my profile and I already had a match.

Within the first hour of joining Tinder, I had around 10 matches.

It seemed I had picked the perfect day to join Tinder. It’s the most dreaded holiday for some singles.

Valentine’s Day.

I’ve never been one for finding “love” online, but as a reporter, I saw an opportunity and took it. When I joined, I swiped left a few times, and swiped right here and there.

One of the first guys to message me was Jason.

Such an interesting character.

It started off simple and innocent. Then the conversation went to where I figured it was going to go.

The conversation started nice and simple.

It was the casual, “Hey what’s up?”

“Nothing much, just finished up class.”

I was being honest.

“Cool. So you want to come over. Spread the love?”
The amount of desperation from these men for a simple hook up was mind boggling. So the rumor is true – this is what Tinder was all about. It was a way to get women to hook up with, and then make a quick dash for the virtual door. The old fashioned “hit it and quit it.”

So I decided to play the role as well, went along with it, and played with his mind. Anytime he messaged me, I came back at him with a little dirty talk, nothing too serious. Since a user can’t send pictures through Tinder, the next “reliable” source of messaging, is Snapchat.

Which I find hilarious.

I inevitably gave him my Snapchat, not really wanting to, but I did. The message came quickly.

“What you gonna send me bby.”

Now being a writer, it bothers me that he couldn’t be bothered to add the “A” in baby. But that’s beside the point.

I simply replied, “I’m shy.”

He came back at me with,

“Shy? You were calling me daddy a few mins ago. You funny.”

Needless to say, I stopped replying but he kept sending me snap messages. The best one was, “At least let’s dirty talk a little.”

This guy was desperate for something I wasn’t about to give him.

Every time a new person popped up on my screen, it was either a hit or miss. He was either cute, or just no question asked, a swipe to the left.

Thanks to this app, I’ve realized that I’m pretty picky when it comes to guys. More swiping to the left than to the right.

As I said before, it was a confidence booster in a few ways, but also you realize how asinine men can be. Sometimes, you get the casual “Wanna (expletive)?”

How romantic! How tempting!

Or you can get the decent guy who just wants someone to talk to. That night, I got Jason, but I also got a few nice guys who actually wanted to talk to me. I started off each conversation the same,

“Nothing much just working on an assignment for the paper.”

And one response was “Can I ask what it’s about. I’m intrigued.”

At that moment I was writing my OP/ED and it seemed like people were actually interested.

The conversations never really went anywhere, because I’m not that good with replying back to

messages.

After a few days, I came across a person that Kayla and I knew.

His name was “Phillip.”

He quickly messaged me with a simple “hi.”

I didn’t know him personally, but Kayla did. Let’s just say, once he found out that we were friends, he was quick to unmatch me.

I’ve never been unmatched with someone before. I realized that maybe he wasn’t as dumb as I thought.

Side note, if you think a guy or girl is cute, always look through the pictures if there is more than one in the first one. It always happened that the guy I thought was cute, wasn’t the guy I was swiping right on.

It was always the friend.

I won’t lie, I’ve never heard that one before.

But, since I’ve joined Tinder, I’ve gotten some pretty unique pick up lines. I mean I don’t think I’ve ever heard some of these before. I do have to give it to these guys for being pretty creative with some of them.

***

I guess he got scared.

Speaking of unique pick up lines, according to thechive.com, the top three attention getting devices are 11 percent humor, 17 percent clever openings, some were clever, some were just a bit out there, and 72 percent looks. The last one makes a lot of sense. That’s what Tinder is for right?

Also, it seems as though we may have come to a conclusion of the phrase, who has more fun, brunettes or blondes. It seems as though brunettes take the win on this one, not by much, but still a win. According to thechive.com, brunette women are almost twice as active on Tinder than blondes.

With all this swiping going on, one can lose track of time and spend up to almost 90 minutes a day on Tinder. Women spend an average of 8.5 minutes, and men spend an average of 7.2 minutes per session.

I can’t lie, when I got into the groove of swiping and swiping, I lost track of time. Before I knew it my finger was swiping left and right for a good 30 minutes.

For me, Tinder was just a social experiment to see what all the hype was. Some take this as a serious dating website where they can find their soulmate.

A statistic gave relationship-oriented folks reasons to be hopeful in being successful in finding their “one true love.” According to a Tinder survey, 80 percent of its users are seeking a meaningful relationship.  

***

Tinder also allows you to adjust how many miles apart you want your matches to be. So I, Weronika, set my matches to be around one to two miles away, just for fun. So I started swiping on my limited options.

This particular day, we had a fire drill, and I saw a fairly handsome guy outside, let’s call him “Dean.”

We get back inside and dear old “Dean”  has disappeared.

I get back to swiping, and without even realizing, I swiped right on him, and he apparently swiped right on me as well.

I don’t know what this one even means.

Cue the heart eyes; we were a match.

Fast forward two months later, I added him on Snapchat.

Now, I matched with him around April, and stopped using Tinder since around that time, so when I added him on Snapchat, it slipped my mind that we matched.

Kayla reminded me that we were a match. She obviously has the better memory.

After He Added me back, I received a snap and sent one back.

His first question was, “How’d you get my snap?”

Clever, but no I don’t.

Not what’s your name, or who are you, just how did you get my snap.

So, I tell him from a mutual friend, he asks who and I tell him.

My favorite part is that he asked me finally what my name is a few snaps later. I told him, and got no answer.

About a few hours later, he sends me another snap of him drinking. It’s Friday, I don’t blame him.

I reply with a simple snap with a filter.

He finally messages me, and says, “What’s your name girl..” Followed by what my instagram is.

I look at my phone in confusion. I think to myself, he’s already drunk, great.
I respond, “Weronika, pronounced Veronica”
His response?
“That’s hot.”

I always knew my name was unique, but I didn’t ever think it would turn a guy on. Who knew.

He continues, “You’re hot too from what I can see.”

I simply responded with a thank you.

We tried to have a conversation, but he was too wasted to have a decent conversation. I told him we’ll talk tomorrow and to go have fun. That was the last I heard from him until the next day.

He followed me on Instagram and I sent him a snap saying, “Thanks for the follow!” A simple snap of me smiling with my hair in a bun and sunglasses.

The response was something I wasn’t expecting.

“Sit on my face.” With the tongue sticking out emoji.

Well, that escalated quickly.

He seemed confused by my response and simply said, “Sorry, won’t say it again, but the offer is always there if you ever wanna.”

Keeping a mental note. Good to know. That was the last I’ve heard from him. He didn’t block me, he just stopped snapping me. I’m also pretty sure he doesn’t even know that we matched on Tinder.

***

Remember when we were in elementary school and sat two seats away from the person we liked and we were fluttered with emotions? Then, that day came when we finally built enough courage to pass them a note?

“Do you like me? Check yes or no.”

Trust me, I, Kayla, never had enough courage to ever do that. Heck, I’m socially awkward when it comes to speaking to a guy I find attractive, so how could I ever do that?

Simple. Enter Tinder.

After being a part of the Tinder life for four months, I somehow managed make 420 matches. And with all that “swiping,” I’m still not sure I’m convinced a “swipe could change one’s life.”

Since Tinder is based upon one’s location and the miles, on the homepage of the app, all I saw were guys from Mercy. It was actually funny when Victory Hall had a fire drill because as everyone gathered outside, it was like Tinder central to the max.

Of about the 55 from Mercy, I probably swiped right for about ten of them and matched with a total of six (that I know of).

Two of them were ones I already knew, while the other four were one’s I’ve seen in passing.

Like Weronika said, “The amount of desperation from these men for a hook up was insane.”

I had a bit of my own experience of this.  I can’t even begin to say how clever some of these “pick up lines” were from guys. It really makes me wonder how long does a guy sit there to come up with some of this stuff.

For instance, in my bio it says, “Writer,” and most of the messages reference that.

“You’re a writer! Hm. Anything you’re currently working on? I doubt you’re writing a phonebook but if you are, you’re probably gonna need my number, just saying.”

Pretty clever, right?

Then, there’s the guys who think a pick up line is there way of getting in one’s pants.

“Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue,

We’re a match on Tinder,

So I think we should screw!”

Sad news, he couldn’t think of that one on his own. If he did, maybe I would have continued the conversation.

One of my photos is from a time I went to Madame Toussade’s Wax Museum and took a picture beside Eli Manning with the thumbs down. This piqued the interest of many guys, who felt the need to express words against my hate for Eli and the Giants.

When they found out what team I was a fan of, some would say, “That’s unfortunate,” or “Oh I guess I can’t take you to my season pass for Giants games.” 

I’m pretty sure swipes are also depended upon profiles; how they look and what they say about the individual.

***

In a way, how Tinder does change one’s life is building up enough courage to actually meet their match. Since I was little I’ve always heard the saying “Never meet someone you met online. You never know how they truly are.”

I’ll be honest, when I signed up for Tinder, I was only making it a joke. I didn’t think I would meet one of my matches until I was on my way to meeting him.

Many reading this are going to question, “What made him special?”

Well, there are two reasons. One, the way his mannerism was to me while we talked. It was far different than majority of the messages I’ve received from other matches. This one, he seemed like he was really engaged into the conversation. We had some of the similarities, so who knew, maybe Tinder could change my life.

Secondly, when you have certain “stalking” skills as I do, and find this individual online, and see he is who he really says he is, why not go for it?

I met him near his workplace (yes, he had a real job at a real place that has to do with the media industry. Seems like it was meant to be, right?).

We ended up going to Central Park, which was merely a train stop away. After my complaining of not wanting to sit in the dirt, we finally found a location under this tall tree and sat there, talking for a while.

He told me about himself, what he does and it seemed interesting. And of course, vice versa, I told him about me. It was a big let down when I found out he was a Philadelphia Eagles fan, though (Go Cowboys!).

**Warning, what I’m going to say next, is going to pique the mind of everyone and question, “what the hell was going through her mind?” The answer is, I don’t know.

Being that I traveled into the city, that meant I had to get back to the island before the last ferry left, and on top of that, he didn’t get out at six. This meant we had limited time together.

He told me he didn’t mind driving over the Verrazano to take me home, if that meant we could spend a little more time together, getting to know each other. So, I said sure.

But, in the back of my mind I was really thinking to myself, “What the hell is going through my mind?” I guess I was just in awe that here is a guy who is willing to pay the 13 dollars to go over the bridge and take me home. Aside from paying for the bridge, but even sitting through the traffic. Was I special or something?

Even though this guy checked out to be who he really was, of course, I didn’t give him my address to put into his GPS. I simply gave him a location within the vicinity.

It’s what happened on the ride home that I guess one can say, made me like him more, especially after his football team comment.

He put Spotify on through his car and asked me to pick a station, any station I wanted and that was the music we’d listen to the whole ride. So, I went with what I wanted to hear: Maroon 5.

“Great choice. I actually have them as a favorite.”

That was only the first time I met him. The second time I met up with him, he came to Staten Island, and that was also the last I saw of him.

What went wrong? Nothing. He was the perfect Tinder match. He was perfect. He just wasn’t for me. We were two different people, living in two different places. He already had his career in play, while I’m still waiting for that train to open it’s doors.

On the bright side, I avoided the next Christmas dinner conversation on “how I met my new boyfriend.”

“Mom, dad, this is Andrew, we met on an app called Tinder.”

Aside from Tinder being a place to meet someone, I suppose one could say it connects people with one’s they once knew. When this happens though, I turn into a narcissistic swiper and swipe for them, even if I don’t like them.

And it’s only because I’m curious to see if they’ll swipe for me, and majority of the ones I swiped for, they had already swiped for me.

If it were someone I didn’t like and only wanted to see if they did, I would unmatch right away. I know this is probably an unfair thing to do especially if someone wanted to actually talk to me, but I can’t help the curiosity.

It actually happened where I received a super like from someone I had class with every day, for four years during high school.

“Hey, I know you from somewhere. You look extremely familiar but I can’t place my finger on it.”

What I replied compared to what I really wanted to say were two different things.

What I wanted to say was, “It’s not like I sat next to you for a whole year in English senior year, and you’d ask me for all my notes.”

What I actually said was, “Think high school.”

“Oh s—t. Kayla Simas!? It’s been forever! How have you been!? I miss you!”

I laughed when I saw this message, and couldn’t resist not saying, “You missed me!? You didn’t even like me!”

Conversation ended. At least I thought so.

Two weeks after that, he sent me message saying, “We started on the wrong foot. Hi, I’m Charles.”

We spoke for a little while longer, and ended it better than we ended high school.

Charles was not the only person on Tinder that I knew prior to matching with them.

My ex-boyfriend’s best friend, John, super liked me. So, being that kind of person I wanted to be, I swipe for him.

The conversation was rather awkward. I’m pretty sure he knew who I was, but he didn’t say anything. And neither was I. I was curious to see what he would say, though, that’s why I matched with him.

He ended up unmatching with me after five days, so who really knows the story there. Maybe he was “undercover” on Tinder, too.

Most of my matches were actually guys I did not know. And like I said, some of them could be pretty nice, and not there for the one reason that many are.

***

Tinder can go two ways. The app has it’s pros and cons.

I, Weronika, have to say that this has been one hell of an experience. I always get asked why I don’t go out and date. Tinder has now proved my point in that department. It’s usually because there are no decent guys, or girls,  out there. They usually just want to hit it and quit it. Sometimes more than once.
I mean there is nothing wrong with that, trust me no judgement here, but sometimes we girls and guys, want to have a real relationship with someone who actually cares about more than just sex.

But until that time comes, ladies and gents, we just have to make due with what we have in front of us.

For me, Kayla, my experience with Tinder just teaches me that guys will go to an app desperately looking for one thing, and one thing only. But, once in a blue moon, that one match will come along and they’ll be different.

I repeat my question from earlier, if a swipe could change one’s life. In a way, yes. A swipe let me take the chance and meet someone, even though I was filled with fear.

A swipe can help you reconnect with someone, and maybe change your thoughts on them from the past. Charles and I still talk from time to time, who’s to say it couldn’t help anyone else do the same.

If there’s anything else a simple swipe has given me, would be a select few “friends.” I say “friends” because I’m not sure what they are when we talk only via Snapchat. Only one of them do I have a 50 day streak with, yet they’re the common pictures of a tree, the window, or my personal favorite: my dog.

If you found the so called “love of your life” or “soul mate” good for you. We hope you are happy with this individual.

And for those of us still looking, don’t be afraid to explore all options, even if that means going on Tinder.

If you’re wondering if a swipe could change one’s life, that’s for you to decide.

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