The Oscars Don’t Matter, Now Change the Channel


Todd Wawrychuk / ©A.M.P.A.S.

The first Oscar¨ is crane-lifted into place at the entrance of the Kodak Theatre on Monday, February 18, 2008, as preparations begin for the 80th Academy Awards¨. Academy Awards for outstanding film achievements of 2007 will be presented on Sunday, February 24, 2008, at the Kodak Theatre at Hollywood & Highland Center¨, and televised live by the ABC Television Network beginning at 5 p.m. PT. The Oscar presentation also will be televised live in more than 200 countries worldwide. Todd Wawrychuk / ©A.M.P.A.S.

Welcome to the Oscars, where the nominations are made up and the awards don’t matter.

I am aware that what I’m about to say isn’t new by any stretch of the imagination, but I feel its necessary nonetheless to say it because I got nothing better to do.

The Oscars are the most out of touch award show ever to exist. They are less about art and more about a bunch of egotistical people patting themselves on the back. And I know everyone knows this, plenty of articles and think pieces have been made about the Oscars and their declining ratings.

But this year they’ve gone too far, they finally did something to enrage past the point where I feel it’s necessary to abolish them all together.

They let the fricking Boss Baby movie get a nomination for animated movie of the year but completely snubbed Lego Batman in nominations.

I am sick, and tired, of good movies being ignored while a film with barely 50% on rotten tomatoes gets to say it’s been nominated for an award.

I know how you think Hollywood, you like to be all “we are above the money hungry corporations, we would never let a movie created by the corporate machine win because blah blah blah art”.

Yes, they say blah blah blah, no that’s not my imagination.

Hollywood has had an unnatural hatred for movies that do the unthinkable, actually be popular with the masses. No seriously, there is a reason nothing produced by Marvel, Lego or any other super popular film like Star Wars gets nominated.

And when I say nominated, I mean for best picture, director, screenplay and actor/ actress. None of the tech awards, not that those are bad awards to win or anything like that. But I do feel that the Oscars use those awards as sort of a half-minded attempt to appease the masses.

“Oh, what do you mean Star Wars wasn’t nominated, it was nominated for sound mixing. Stop being greedy and accept the awards you got while we let the movie about boning a fish guy get 15 nominations.”

They are also gonna give the best picture award to period piece garbage, again. And don’t say “but Get Out and the Shape of Water was nominated, along with Lady Bird. One of those movies will surely win the best picture, they were so popular with the people.”

To that I say “they also nominated The Post”, and the Oscars loves to make a statement on social issues”.

What do I mean by that? Well then let me take you back to the 2016 Oscars to show you how pathetic these awards can get.

That was the year that Mad Max: Fury Road, The Martian, The Big Short, and The Revenant were all nominated for best picture.

(This was also the year Deadpool, Captain America Civil War, and a few other movies got snubbed out of an Oscars.)

Now of these big, popular films that touched so many different people, which do you think won?

I’ll wait for your answer, and don’t look it up online.

(Close that second tab, I know how you work.)

Ok, times up. And the winner is… or rather was…


A movie about a paper investigating priests touching kids, that came out in November of 2015, won the Oscar for 2016, which were held in 2017.

Now, you might be wondering how this random ass movie won, cause while all the movies for that year nominated were good in their own way, this was the only one that got a carryover from the year before.

And no movie, I don’t care how good it is, gets to claim it’s the best movie of the year it wasn’t released in.

It’s because the Oscars wanted to be “topical”. Someone in the judging circuit saw on the news that the church was hiding pedos in the Vatican, which is something we all knew for years, and decided to give the award to a movie that talked about the subject.

And guess what, we have a movie about the press while also having a president that actively attacks the press.

Gee, I wonder what movie is going to win on merit and not because Hollywood likes to flaunt its non-existing, shallow ass morality and high standards that only existed when they need good PR.

The Oscars are run with a bunch of hypocrites. They shame movies that exist to turn a profit yet all the people in that room have a bank account that could bail out a small European nation out of debt. They trumpet the arts, yet ignore the most fundamental rule of art which is “anything can be considered art”.

It’s their excuse for why anything that can be interpreted as “too corporate” gets snubbed even though everything that is Hollywood can be boiled down to being somewhat “too corporate”.

We get it, you’re afraid Disney is going to own all of Hollywood, which is less a fear and more of a prophecy at this point. Just accept it and put the stupid mouse ears on already, I wanna see Black Panther and Infinity War get the nomination next year dammit.

So, in closing, I think The Post is going to win not because of its merits as a film, but because the Oscars just want to make a point. I think Boss Baby being nominated was just a way to keep Lego Batman from getting the nomination, and I just feel that this award show is the biggest pile of ego-laced garbage on earth.

Will someone please cancel it already, I’m sure no one even watches it outside the age of 65.