Like many, I woke up on Mar. 30 to the troubling news from the Daily Voice. A kangaroo had gone missing from a local animal shelter in Goshen, New York.

Not only was the Kangaroo named Rocko missing, but it had been on the run for four days. How did this not lead every major news source, I will never know. 

That is why due to a strong moral and ethical response, I had to stop what I was doing and lend a hand. 

Before setting off on my search and rescue operation, I did as most common sense individuals would do. I googled how far a kangaroo could travel in a day and other basic information.

 After a few searches that did not immediately satisfy my lack of knowledge of kangaroos, I found an answer that was good enough. Thus in keeping with today’s world, I became an expert on kangaroos. 

Recently through the University of Google, I’ve obtained degrees in Virology and Eastern European Affairs which will be columns for a non-kangaroo day. 

With my doctorate, I determined our fugitive Kangaroo could travel approximately 19 miles a day, so by now, our Rocko could be 95 miles away from his home. Anywhere within the circle shown to the right.

Not good for our Kangaroo remake of The Searchers.

Nonetheless, I set off.

In keeping with the style of all true mystery, I returned to the scene of the crime, the animal shelter where Rocko was staying. It was also very close to the last spot he was sighted.

Upon arrival, I realized the task in which I found myself. In my opinion, it would take an operation similar to the German invasion of the Soviet Union in 1941 to successfully find Rocko.

Despite being equal in morale, my army consisted of myself, who was very aware of the current cost of gas while driving around looking for our friend from the land down under.

Still, I had to do some searching. I went up and down each road near the shelter looking down each side street and wooded area I came across.

No luck.

I then had a realization.

If I was a kangaroo who had gone missing for four days, I’d be thirsty, a thought probably inspired by the salty fries I picked up from Burger King, but let’s stay on topic here.

I went to my maps app to find each major body of water within a few miles and began scoping them out.

No luck again.

I then began to ponder whether to return home or not, It was then I decided I would check out a few housing developments where maybe he had to wander into for food.

Perhaps our friend Rocko didn’t escape the sanctuary just to wander but wanted to find a place to settle down. Maybe he wanted to have a family in one of these developments and live out the kangaroo version of the American Dream.

These are the thoughts you have searching for a kangaroo during a day where all you eat is fries, a donut, and some Ritz crackers.

I couldn’t let this hold back the search, however. The first target was one containing very rich folks. The type that isn’t a development but an Estates of…… type place.

Driving down I saw nothing except one middle-aged gentleman working on his mailbox. So I did what all good-natured aspiring journalist who cares for kangaroos would do. I asked the question.

“Have you seen any kangaroos lately?”

Now the look I received is one you’d expect to receive after hearing a question like that from a stranger on a brisk Wednesday afternoon.

So I pulled away and scoped out a few more developments.

Again no luck.

It was disheartening considering that despite my combing of a few square miles of the over 7000 I previously mapped out, I had no success. It was time to go back home.

Now, this is the moment where every great writer unveils the deeper meaning of the search for the Kangaroo. Why it’s not about the animal or the places they’ve seen, but the journey there.

Unfortunately for us, however, we don’t live in a dreamland.
Sometimes the story is just about some idiot looking for a kangaroo in the middle of nowhere because he doesn’t want to do school work.

Now, if anyone actually sees a Kangaroo in Orange County or anywhere within the circle pictured above, shoot me an email, and I’ll get you in touch with the fine folks to care for it.

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