Pre-Graduation Blues


In 44 days, I will be embarking on a journey that I continue to have mixed feelings about. Feelings of dread will transform into relief and then sadness all over again. There’s no doubt that I’m excited about graduating. I’ve been daydreaming of this ceremony since having to take oral communications my freshman year. (I’m still convinced that class made my stage fright worse)

But I’m not ready for what I’m about to face these upcoming months.

The idea of being home in September and onwards didn’t dawn on me until I was having a conversation with my roommate one night. Unlike myself, she will be gaining her master’s in education as part of Mercy’s 5-year program.

Here it was where I realized I haven’t thought past graduation.

What am I going to do with my dorm room furniture? Do I toss it or save it for memory’s sake? How do I get a decal off my car? What am I doing in September?

I’ve become so accustomed to living a predictable life of going to school for the majority of the year and having 3 months of free time that now seeing my schedule completely blank is shocking the hell out of me.

Along with coming to this realization, I am being challenged with a question that is although innocent in nature, it’s causing a lot of inner dialogue of second-guessing whether I’ve made the right choice in my degree, “what are your plans after school?”

My major has changed so much that I don’t feel confident in securing an idea for my career. In a perfect world, my job would be a combination of all 3 majors I experienced: psychology, social work, and journalism, but where can I find something like that?

Even while all these major changes were happening, there was one thing I was certain about, I wanted to do something that involved writing.

One of my biggest regrets was not standing my ground when I wanted to pursue English at the start of my college career. Though I still would’ve most likely ended where I am in journalism, I feel I would’ve been more confident in choosing a career than I am now.

When the nation was met with the Coronavirus in 2020, there is no denying the shift in our everyday lives. We started to transform our lives to enjoy this new normalcy and the discussions about work were making their way all through social media.

Working from home and the emergence of virtual jobs began to grow in popularity.

I feel that around this time and the years afterward Gen Z was becoming notorious for quitting their jobs on the spot. According to Chloe Berger of Fortune, “Eighty percent of Gen Z job-hoppers said they want to leave their job to find a career that aligns more with their interests”

I noticed the people in my life saying the phrase “do what you love” would be contradicting themselves as I would hear endless complaints about their jobs. I feel like these moments are one of those do as I say, not as I do.

I remember expressing my interest in becoming an author at the start of my college search and being completely shunned for having the thought of going into a field that gave me a 50/50 chance of success. I’ve been suppressing the idea of letting my interests be my driving force for a career that it felt like I was grabbing at scrapes of enjoyment in these majors.

Now seeing people my age really taking control of their lives by entertaining work that aligns with their interests, makes me feel better that I can find something that brings me joy. Because let’s face it, with the advancement of technology and the power of social media, monetizing anything such as our hobbies is a new way of supporting ourselves.

I am a person who believes everything happens for a reason and I cannot help but be extremely grateful I switched majors one last time. My writer’s block was officially broken after not having the inspiration to write since high school and it’s nice to see the development of my writing.

Needless to say, I’m nervous about where I’m going to end up post-graduation. The foundation is set for me to do what I love but it’s hard to ignore that voice in the back of my head telling me otherwise. As long as I’m writing in some form, I’ll be content.