Reaching adulthood was always a dream of mine in my teenage years. Being able to make my own decisions, make money, and live the life I’ve always dreamt of was a forever fantasy running through my head. Now that I am a few months away from true adulthood, this fantasy that I thought was easy to obtain, that somehow, I would blink, and my life would change is completely false.

Instead, I am panicking because once I put on my cap and gown and walk across that stage, I am walking into a new phase of life that I am absolutely terrified of.

I’ve been asked the question, “Are you afraid of success?” on many occasions and each time it throws me off. Afraid of success? I’ve never heard of something like that, nor did it make sense the first time I was asked.

But whatever I’ve said leading up to the question, pointed in the direction of fear. Was I afraid of success?

I’ve always had an active imagination; it is one of the things I like about myself. I can conjure up these scenarios where I am within a career that seems appealing to me and completely smitten by the fantasy.
The work getting to my desired goal isn’t the problem, I am a Capricorn, working hard is my comfort zone.

I think what it ultimately boils down to is the reaction of everyone. I am someone who prefers to stay out of the spotlight and would rather be praised behind closed doors. I am fearful of what people think of me, as I am sure a lot of people are, and I will forever admire those who can brush past this fear and do the things that make themselves content.
I am working on it. Slowly, but I am.

Another reason that came to mind is my fear of losing myself. Not to sound full of myself, but I know whatever I decide to do career-wise, I am going to be good at it. That is something I can confidently say.

Yet, I am nervous that my success will make me into someone that I do not recognize. I am scared of my ego getting too big. And I am sure there are ways to keep myself grounded so something like that doesn’t happen, but I still think about it.

Am I afraid of success? I am afraid of the reaction, the potential of losing myself, and the burnout.

Burnout is new for me. Out of my educational career, this burnout I am experiencing feels as I ran into a brick wall. Time is moving faster than I can keep up with, and the next thing I know, assignments are due left and right.

I’m a good student. I know I am a good student; however, this burnout makes me feel the opposite.

Burnout and procrastination go hand in hand. I feel like I am purposefully holding myself back from good because of my procrastination. I have convinced myself that waiting until the last minute will produce my better work but in reality; I am preventing myself from success.

I am nervous this could transfer into my future career. The thought of burning out on something I love makes me want to stay far away from it. I don’t want to fall out of love with my career.

Am I afraid of success? Yes.

Because I know success is in my future, yet I still am worried about what others are going to think of me, especially the people I’ve grown up with. Saying it out loud sounds absolutely crazy, but it’s a fear that holds me back from my full potential.

I am proud of myself for acknowledging it, and only I know what steps to take to feel comfortable to grow out of this fear of success.