As I stroll through Mercy’s corridors, I find myself drawn to observing the ladies’ attire, often trying to decipher their moods based on their outfits.

I Admit it. I’m an observer.

Sweats, an oversized hoodie, and a pair of Uggs often catch my eye. Probably because I rock that look quite frequently.

On certain days, I make an effort to refine my appearance, taking time with my makeup routine. There’s a peculiar pleasure in that patience. It’s my way of feeling better by investing in my own allure.

Sometimes, I prioritize appearance over emotions, believing that looking good concludes with feeling good.

Yet, when evening returns, and I’m alone in my room, reality hits. Now, don’t get me wrong; I recognize my blessings. I’ve witnessed people with little to nothing. Even though my life has been filled with blessings, there are moments where I feel down, and that’s okay. I’m human.

Even when I’m at my best, tears flow and pain resonates. Concealing authentic emotions is almost a talent I have mastered, but deep down, I feel guilty for feeling low.

But through it all, I’ve learned that life’s hardships and mental health struggles are natural.

I’ve weathered storms that tested my mental serenity, and my resilience has prevailed. There were times when I felt consumed by sadness due to relationships and circumstances beyond my control. That enduring guilt often surfaces,  controlling me, but life sometimes feels unfairly stacked against me.

I find myself entangled in an endless cycle of problems, facing one hardship after another. Life isn’t easy; it’s struck me.

Yet, why does the guilt persist? Are my emotions justified? Aren’t my struggles?

I know they might not be the most profound or intricate dilemmas, but I’m just a 21-year-old human and sometimes, I still feel like Daddy’s little girl.

I miss my parents, my family, my friends, my dog. Even when I have all these connections, there are moments I feel utterly displaced.

But that’s alright. I owe it to myself to be kind.

My mindset faces constant trials. My life is challenging and complex. I’m Carla, a 21-year-old international student from Honduras living in New York.

We all experience pain and hurt, irrespective of our origins or status.

Observing my loved ones, I recognize their struggles too. It reassures me, knowing I’m not alone; everyone battles their own wars, each with their unique hardships. Listening to their self-criticism, I’ve learned to say, “Be kind to yourself.” It’s not a cure-all, but it’s a start. It helped me, lessening the guilt.

Witnessing my loved ones grapple with circumstances beyond their control, be it finances, relationships, or health, brings a sense of helplessness. Feeling their pain is a facet of loving someone.

So, I remind them and myself: It’s okay to feel low. To all the ladies and gents out there, you’re stunning. It’s saddening to hear such harsh self-criticism yet I’m guilty of it, too. We must accept our humanity. Sometimes, we don’t like the reflection in the mirror.

But that’s okay.

Being conscious of our pessimism at times is alright.

I navigate bouts of feeling adrift and demotivated, moments of emptiness where I feel nothing but numbness.

And that’s okay.

I scroll through social media during these moments, realizing how unrealistic beauty and social standards can feel. We might not endorse it, but it affects us nonetheless.

And that’s okay.

We often forget that everyone is learning, stumbling through life, and often riddled with animosity. I feel it, too, at times.

And that’s okay.

What’s not okay is allowing it to consume us. That’s a reminder for me, too. Mental health is natural and warrants awareness, irrespective of origin, attire, or wealth. Everyone’s problems matter and are valid.

I’m not encouraging self-absorption. It’s okay to feel down sometimes.

Since adolescence, I’ve grappled with mental instability, and the challenges persist, testing my resilience. I’m stronger now, but I still have moments of feeling lost.

In the end, seeking the glimmer of hope in darkness keeps me going, a reminder that many out there need more help.

Remember, appearances can be deceiving. In my lowest moments, I might look my best.