Lies, sadness, shame, lack of empathy, narcissism, cheating, and more – they all form a toxic environment.

It can infiltrate relationships or friendships because, let’s not deny it, friends can be toxic too.

For me, experiencing the most toxic relationship imaginable has been my most profound lesson to date.

At 18, preparing to move from a small country in Central America to the powerhouse of Europe, Germany, I wasn’t seeking attachment. But the loneliness overwhelmed me.

Then, I met him. He seemed like my sanctuary, the one there to guide me, even in the simplest tasks like cooking. Though I have many talents, the kitchen isn’t one of them.

He assisted me in every possible way during those initial months. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, yet I found myself entangled too soon.

I made a mistake, unable to leave my solitary moments behind, and I hurt him.

Despite numerous discussions and the judgment from those around us, he claimed he forgave me. But deep down, I knew he never did.

As our relationship progressed, insecurity crept in, signaling the start of a tumultuous journey.

“It’s nothing,” he said, but then I’d uncover the truth through his phone, realizing who was really by my side.

I’ve never endured more anguish than the night I discovered I’d been cheated on for months, taken advantage of with each passing moment.

Text after text.

Lie after lie.

Betrayal after betrayal.

They just kept going.

The cycle continued, and I remained trapped, living with someone I believed was my confidant but who turned out to be someone entirely different inside.

Careless, unfeeling, unfaithful, and overall – a liar.

Make no mistake, I’m no saint nor perfect. In fact, my biggest mistake was thinking I could forgive and persevere, enduring the torment longer.

I made our lives miserable, constantly reminding him of his doings. I was constantly remembering all the pain.

I couldn’t breathe.

I couldn’t fathom how someone I’d given so much to, someone I’d loved wholeheartedly, could subject me to such agony.

He professed love, yet true love doesn’t inflict that much pain.

Yes, love involves pain, but there’s a limit.

My heart filled with bitterness and sorrow, yet I still loved him. I still saw the humble boy who aided me at the onset of my journey abroad. Or so I believed.

The line between love and attachment is a thin one. Back then, I couldn’t discern, but now I recognize the emotional toxicity I endured an emotionally toxic attachment.

After having the last drop of water in the glass that collapsed everything, and yes, it was in fact yet another betrayal. That I wasn’t aware of. The process of healing commenced the most arduous phase.

Extricating myself from that environment proved tougher than anticipated.

I wept daily. Morning, noon, and night. Why did this happen to me? Did I deserve it?

No one deserves such pain and betrayal. Some people enter your life to impart harsh lessons.

I thought happiness would be gone forever, sinking into depression, struggling to comprehend his indifference after sharing almost every waking moment together for nearly two years.

Questions were raised, and comprehension eluded me.

Ultimately, he was my lesson, but I wasn’t his.

Despite the agony and emptiness, I’d endure it all again if it led me to this point of self-awareness, self-assurance, understanding my worth and what I deserve.

Everyone deserves a supportive partner, a companion through dark days, loyal, caring, honest—a best friend.

After enduring immense pain, feeling the physical ache in my heart, I healed, step by step, gradually learning to love and trust once more.

Understanding what a healthy relationship looks like proved challenging, but I’m grateful for my current boyfriend’s patience, offering reassurance when needed.

The scars of that lesson linger, reminders of past hurt.

Sometimes, I fear betrayal or inadequacy, yet I’m thankful for someone who assures me otherwise.

He didn’t cause my pain, yet he chose to be with me, knowing the challenges I faced in trusting again.

Now, those scars are merely shadows, resurfacing from time to time.

We underestimate the depth of hurt someone can inflict, but we also underestimate their capacity to uplift.

I’m grateful to have found someone better, someone who genuinely loves me and would never subject me to such anguish.

I’m sure I’m the most intriguing woman he’s ever met.

This is a testament to my pain, how it led to a happy ending.

I now know who I am, what I want, and what I deserve.