Your Lips Are Movin’
February 7, 2015
Filed under Strike Of Enlightening
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Known for being the shortest month, and the one where so many celebrate love with Valentine’s Day, February 2015 is a month I considered to be a “perfect month” aesthetically. Four complete weeks, Sunday to Saturday. Yet so far, it’s the farthest from being a “perfect month, ”and I most certainly won’t be celebrating love this Valentine’s Day. Seven days in, and I had been broken more than I have in the past seven years.
I’ve started writing this column about four different times, each time going in a different direction. I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t sure about my feelings, or what, but I was going to talk about all the issues that were going wrong in this first week. In reality, who really wants to know everything about my life )if I wasn’t me, I probably wouldn’t care.) So instead, I decided to take it from an angle where I could potentially help someone else, and call out the guy who broke my heart at the same time. Normally I’m not the kind of person to do this, so I decided to go about it in a way where I leave his identity hidden, but if he reads it, he’ll know.
I met him back in May of 2014, and I didn’t like him much. He didn’t talk a lot, but when he did, I pretty much just wanted to punch him. Time went on. I saw him often and I guess you could say I got to know him. The only reason I say, “I guess you could say” is because I didn’t know him personally. I knew his personality, even then, that was only to an extent.
Eventually, we became friends on Facebook, and every so often we would talk. You know how that goes. He said some of the sweetest things to me, and I guess you could say I started to develop some feelings.
I knew going into this that he had some baggage. It wasn’t “a small duffle for a weekend trip” baggage either, this was “going to Peru for three weeks” baggage.
The only thing I wanted the entire time I was talking to him was the truth. I asked him one question, and I believed him, I had no reason not to. I opened up to him, and gave him my everything, which is rare. I let down so many walls that took me so long to build.
Words were said, I saw some stories didn’t add up, and my suspicions began to grow. I thought about it constantly, and didn’t know if I wanted to ask him again. I was afraid of the answer I would get. I thought our situation was a little funny because he didn’t talk to me all the time. There was no pattern for when he asked for anything but I knew something was up because he didn’t want something all the time.
With suspicions being my only thoughts, I decided to ask him again. This time it didn’t go over very well. I didn’t get the answer I was expecting. I sent him a very long message just asking for the truth. I explained to him, I had been through something like this before and I didn’t want to go through it again. He told me the same answer that he told me the first time, but the point that stood out at me the most was “don’t ask me again.”
My thoughts were, if there was going to be anything between the two of us, I should have the right to ask questions. I mean I have feelings too, and I wasn’t about hurting anyone else.
Luckily for me, I have eyes and ears everywhere. Some of my ears told me about something that had happened, and I learned that day that I was just another piece to his game. I would have given everything to not believe my ears. I fell hard for this guy and I didn’t want it to be true. Then the next day, I heard it with my own ears. I watched the words come out of his mouth, travel across the room and go into my ears. I don’t think he realized I was in the room, because when someone else came in the room, his story changed. He made it seem like he never said anything else. He kept telling lies. He kept playing that game. He kept hurting me.
The second that the truth came out of his mouth, my heart shattered. I was so disappointed that he had lied to me, not once, but twice. I don’t know if he knows I know, and honestly I don’t think I care. That same second my heart shattered, I was relieved. I knew I could move on without being hurt more than I already was, I knew I didn’t have to try another round of his game. I could have given him so much more, I could have taken down so many more walls, but instead, I can learn from these mistakes that I have so foolishly made.
A point I want to make clear is I don’t regret the decisions I made. I think in the end, I have learned more from this than anything.
For others like me, don’t be hung up on a guy who makes you an extra piece to whatever game he is playing. Get out there and make yourself available again, it’s not the end of the world. I spent too much time thinking that I could have changed things, but I was slapped in the face with reality just hard enough this time. I know now not to let my walls down too soon, and you shouldn’t either. Don’t settle as the side piece.
There is so much I could say about this. There is so much I want to say to him, but then I ask myself, is it worth it? No. It’s not.
Will he read this? Not likely. But this is for me. Not him.
“I know you lie. ‘Cause your lips are moving, Tell me do you think I’m dumb? I might be young, but I ain’t stupid, talking around in circles with your tongue. I gave you bass, you gave me sweet talk, saying how I’m your number one. But I know you lie, ‘cause your lips are moving. Baby, don’t you know I’m done.”