A Letter to the Man Who Ruined My Life


You came into my life and ruined it, but I still loved you. Now I look back and wonder how I could have been so stupid. Between the multiple break-ups, the almost-cheating, and the mental abuse, I don’t understand how you got me to stay for as long as I did.

I was ruined; no longer the same Alexis I once was. It was you who turned me into this evil person who dropped all of her friends when she met you.

I used to be a social butterfly. I went into my first year of college with an optimistic outlook on the future. I hadn’t had a boyfriend in over a year and I was just ready to start my life, make new friends, and do great in school like I always promised my mom I would. I could see it all until you walked through my door that one Halloween and took it away from me.

I should have never met you. It would’ve saved me a lot of tears and two years of my life. I didn’t listen to any of my friends when they told me to not date someone like you: a frat boy addicted to partying, girls, alcohol, and drugs.

Let’s call you Tom just because your real name still haunts me on a daily basis. When I hear your name, I shiver. You broke me and never even tried to fix me. I will say, in the beginning, you played your game fair. You made me fall in love with you and I thought you were everything I ever wanted. You manipulated me and messed everything up.

Between sleeping in a bed with my best friend because you were too drunk to find your hotel room again, to having a random girl send me your Bumble account with a picture of me cropped out as your profile picture, I can’t believe how much I still cared. I cared to the point of calling 911 on your 21st birthday because you drank too much and couldn’t function. Yet, you still flipped the situation and blamed me for the ambulance charge despite the fact that you were near death in a puddle of your own vomit. I even transferred schools to try and get away from you, but I just couldn’t break it off.

You made me hate men. My trust evaporated into thin air and it took me a while to gain it back. I was heartless. I still remember how depressed I was and how I sought out anyone who could make me feel again. It took months upon months for me to even trust my new boyfriend, but luckily he came to put back together what you destroyed.

There are certain places I can’t go anymore because of my severe PTSD. I can’t even watch certain shows because it triggers me to see other girls going through mental abuse, like Sammi from the Jersey Shore.

One place that you permanently tainted for me is Yankee Stadium. I certainly hope you remember what you did to me there, but if you don’t, I’ll remind you. In April, you took me to a Yankee game and I was so excited to not only be alone with you after enduring our long distance relationship for months, but to just relax, be outside in the warm air, and enjoy a game. You couldn’t accept that, though. You turned it into an opportunity to abuse alcohol, to the point where you thought the eighth inning was the second. You screamed at me while sitting in the bleachers in front of random strangers. I had to suck up what you said to me and act like it didn’t bother me.

When you screamed the words, “You bitch!” at me, I finally got up from my seat and ran away from you. I remember running to the bathroom and trying to not cry, calling my best friends and my mom so they could tell me what to do. I could’ve left you there, but I didn’t because I loved you. I hid from you for about an hour before I decided to text you or call you back. This wasn’t even what ended the night. You brought the arguments back to my house after you passed out in my car the whole ride home. I’ll never forget my stepfather and my mother having to watch me while I suffered a panic attack in their room. I no longer wanted to be with you. I used to go to Yankee Stadium every summer with friends and family, but I haven’t been back since that day.

Everything you did tore me down from the inside out until I had nothing left to give. Whether it was your friends or your fraternity, something always came before me. That ended up being the final straw. I’ll never forget the day I finally told you I’d had enough. You couldn’t even man up enough to answer the phone because you knew what was coming.

Ever since that day, I have worked to build back what you broke, and I can officially say that I’m myself again. I won’t thank you for the lessons or say I’m grateful for you because it would be a lie. I even skip over the lyric in Ariana Grande’s “Thank U, Next” that says “I’m so grateful for my ex,” because I’ll never mean it. I have never met such a horrible, heartless person before and I’m glad you’re gone.

I hope you treat your new girlfriend better than you treated me. Maybe I was an experiment since I was your first girlfriend. I hope you learned from your horrible actions. I have moved on from you and the pain you caused, and I realize how strong I truly am.

One last thing: I don’t wish you the best because you had the best you could ever get when you had me.