A House of Chaotic Love


Families are supposed to be bonded together, not against each other.

Have you ever witnessed your siblings fighting with each other? I don’t mean a silly argument and a slap every now and then.

I mean serious fights daily, as if they are two strangers out in the street waiting to get their hands on one another.

I’ve been watching boxing fights between my siblings since I was a little girl. Front row seats – best in the house, right?

Later on, I became a boxer too; holding so much anger inside me and waiting to take it out on whoever asked for it.

I watched my siblings fight each other over the smallest things like it was normal. I watched them take their frustrations out on one another like it was okay. Then when we got older, we thought it was okay to treat others that way.

I might have become immune to it. This is life, and sometimes life sucks. This is just how things are, and it’s time to accept it – but I don’t want to accept it.

Don’t get me wrong, my siblings and I love each other. We’d die for one another, we’d go to jail to protect one another, but sometimes it feels like we don’t even like each other.

We call each other names and it feels like we’re aiming to hurt each other’s feelings. Nothing hurts a person more than hearing someone they love say things to hurt them.

After everything we’ve been through, we should know by now that we’re all we’ve got. I think sometimes we forget.

We’ll never be those families on TV, we’re too damaged. This isn’t a bad thing, I just don’t want us to grow up and hate each other.

We didn’t have our aunts around, my mom didn’t get along with her sisters. I’ll be damned if my niece grows up the same way.

I will not let her grow up the way we did. No way.

We’re supposed to be in this together, so something’s got to give.

I refuse to accept this as our life. This isn’t our life, I swear to God – I have to be dreaming.

We may be damaged in our own ways, but it does not break us.

We can get through anything and we’ll get through this. This is just another bump in the road. We’ll be okay.

What’s not understood doesn’t need to be explained, because nobody can truly understand what goes on in our household besides the ones who live in it.

I am loyal to my family, and I will never turn my back on them. To outsiders, I’m the glue that keeps the family together, but to me – my siblings, my mother, and I are the glue.