No, you can’t die from it, and you can’t pass it on to someone else. But, if you are a part of the unlucky few that suffer from senioritis which defines as the decline of motivation of students in their final year of high school or college, then you understand that going to class every day feels like you are walking to your death sentence.

I feel your pain.

I struggle very hard with senioritis, and it is something that I have always had difficulty admitting. I don’t remember even graduating from elementary school or even attending it most of the time, so how I felt in the fifth grade is nonexistent memory for me.

However, in 8th grade, the beginning of my struggles with senioritis truly began. Unlike high school and college, the middle school felt like it did nothing but drag on and took forever to complete. However, even though it moved as fast as a cargo ship, I still didn’t know where I wanted to go to high school until I hit eighth grade, and that was only because my guidance counselor was hounding me with questions on where wanted to go. For some context, my middle school experience was very high and low. I did fairly well in my classes except for math (I still don’t know my multiplication tables); however, I had a lot of low points such as being a nerd and being teased constantly. Throw that in with having no friends and major depression, meaning that I felt like I was drowning and falling at the same time.

In hindsight, I don’t think I was ready for the huge transition that was going from middle school (which was right across the street from my home), to high school which was on the other side of the city. Up until that point, I had been sheltered my whole life, and I knew that unless there was a high school that was magically built within nine months on my block, I would have to venture away from home, and I wasn’t ready for that.

My senior year of high school was even worse; I was again the school nerd and had no friends but for the first two years, I was part of the popular group and had seven “close” friends. The most friends that I ever had in my life combined. However, after a huge fallout and some traumatic events that followed, I was ending high school exactly where I started but with more mental scars. It is no secret that applying to college is extremely difficult; It is something that you need some kind of support just to get you through applications let alone paying for it once you get in. If you look at my college application process/senior year on paper, you would think that I had a blast applying for college. I applied to 11 schools and was accepted to all but one with pretty good scholarships. My grades were pretty much excellent, and I graduated in the top 20 of my class (which is great considering my grades were at their worse two years prior). Also, I received great emotional support at home, probably too great as nearly everyone in my family was asking me to death where I was planning on going, even though I wasn’t sure myself. On the outside, things were great. However, emotionally I was at my worse. Even though I went through the trenches in high school, I wasn’t ready for it to end.

Because I was focused on applying to college and preparing for graduation (which was ruined by a bomb threat), I never got to fully enjoy the fact that I was graduating from high school, something that had not been done by my older sister years prior. I felt like I once again watched time pass me by, and was wondering when I was going to smack right into rock bottom. However, things ended up working out when I came here to Mercy College and began to grow as a person.

However, now I’m here back at it again, with the senioritis and once again feeling broken. But this time, I’m not scrambling to apply to schools or plagued with four years of friendship trauma and mental scars from my peers. My fear comes from knowing that this is officially it and everything is coming to an end, and that’s even more terrifying than knowing exactly what’s coming next. I enjoyed my time here at Mercy College and learned more about myself and others than If I had gone to any other school. I feel like I’m in a weird place where I know I’m not mentally capable of spending another year reliving my senior year, but I’m not ready to call it quits just yet.

Usually, this is the part where I talk about some things that can help those dealing with this issue, but I can’t help anyone when I can’t even help myself. I guess I can tell you the standard yet very important things, such as talking to someone you trust about your struggles and taking deep breaths when you feel stressed and doing things that make you happy.

However, I will say that if you are a senior in school right now or will be very soon. Enjoy where you’re at now, even if you feel like you are sinking in a marsh. One day you will look back and truly appreciate where you at now and miss it.