The Art Of Moving On: A Telltale Heart.

The Art Of Moving On: A Telltale Heart.

Shalekiah Barton, Staff Writer

People say child birth is the worst pain a woman can experience, however heart breaks are not exactly a walk in the park either. Every human being can remember their first and last heart break.

There is no cliche that can cheer you up, no matter how philosophically wise it is. There could never be enough aspirins or pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream that can alleviate the pain. No one wants to hear, “Everything is going to be okay”, “Everything happens for a reason” or “You’re better off without him”. The bottom line is after someone metaphorically drops your heart from a 76 foot story building, that is the one time you feel like everything will NOT be okay.

Being better off is not what you feel, because that is the person you thought you would marry and procreate with. The realization that all those day dreams and thoughts of birthing mini versions of you both, is never going to happen.

It is totally okay, to want to immediately fix the problem, and get back together, because life teaches that every problem has a solution. Not to mention all those Lifetime network and Disney movies that tell you that if you fight for what you want, you live happily ever after. But one thing I realized is those are nothing more than movies and there is no such thing as a happy ending.

Life always goes on, don’t confuse a happy moment with a forever of happiness. I hate to sound cynical, but there is no such thing as forever and the faster you accept that, the quicker you are on the road to heart break recovery. One of the smartest lessons my mother taught me was, once you leave, never go back. If something was detrimental enough for y’all to not get it right, there never will be. Think about it, Chris Brown and Rihanna had an explosive relationship and although they both truly love each other, they are extremely unhealthy for each other.

Love isn’t a reason to accept anything that person gives you, have self worth and know you deserve more than disappointments and deliberate disobedience.

The pain is internal, and feels like an itch you can’t scratch, however instead of the itch being on your back or somewhere external; its an itch all over and inside of your body. The sensation is an uncomfortable, “Something is not right” feeling, that fills you from your head to your toes.

Suddenly the butterflies that you felt when you thought of, saw or spent time with the person you loved, are now slowly dying inside of your stomach. Heart ache, feels horrible because not only are you sad that your relationship did not work but wrapped up in one is disappointment, embarrassment, failed expectations, low self esteem and what ifs. Thinking of what you could of done differently does not make a difference because if someone was stupid enough to hurt or lose you; it was going to happen at some point or the other. Just be grateful that you came to your senses, at all. It takes some people years to realize the person they are with are not the right one for them.

Once you rip the bandaid, that was your relationship; off, it is then time to learn the art of moving on. I am not saying to sleep with anything that has a pulse or develop a false sense of self esteem. I mean really be content with your decision of ending that relationship. There are many steps, the first is to cry, boohoo, wail and scream if you need too. When something hurts, we tend to allow our ego to step in and make us feel like we are weak if we cry or show emotion. But it is the opposite, you are strong because you are being real and releasing the pent up frustrations of anguish, guilt or anger.

The second is to face the fact that the person devastated you; sugar coating does not help. Don’t try and make yourself feel better by believing that the person hurt you because they didn’t know any better. The fact remains that even if someone has never had a successful relationship, if they want one to work with you, they would of tried everything in their power to do so. Google, see a therapist, do something but blaming ignorance for breaking someones’ heart is cowardly and bull crap. Whatever you do, do not drown your sorrows in liquor, drugs, food or another human being for that matter because addiction of any kind is unhealthy.

Yes, we all experience lonely nights, especially after you are used to being with a mate every second of the day, but jumping into another relationship is never the right move. It is not fair to the new person that you are dealing with and bringing old baggage and 50 % of yourself to anything is not acceptable. You can’t give 100% of your love or affection if you’ve haven’t taken time to get it back from your last situation. You must heal from the emotional damage and take time to know yourself again.

Whoever made the quote, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”, never truly moved on; because sleeping with strangers hurts you, not your ex. By giving yourself away to people who don’t deserve it, leaves room for regret and adds more salt to an already disgusting wound.

The art of moving on can be at your pace. Just know that the longer you take, the less likely you are at being the right person for someone else. Don’t be bitter, be better. Not only for the next person but especially yourself. Piece of mind is one hell of a thing, when you know yourself and your worth you can’t be stopped.

Don’t worry about getting even or making the person regret ever hurting you, your happiness will do that all on its own. I walk around genuinely smiling every day, not because of any man, or man made things; but because of the happiness I feel from loving and respecting myself. Until I meet someone who can come close to loving me more than I do, I’ll keep moving on.

For all those women and men who have grasped the concept of moving on, continue to put yourself first. Whoever deserves you, will prove themselves and introduce you to the art of true happiness.

I am not Iyanla Vanzant or Oprah Winfrey, hell I am not even an expert on love or life but I know what worked for me.

I am simply a girl who was once heart broken, who now has perfected the Art of Moving on.